Past, year: 2000:
Getting made fun of for being in shape, hiding myself under sweat suits even in 100 degree summers, girls in high school & girls home i lived in made fun of me, saying i looked like a boy, no guys wanted to be with me etc. I gained 200lbs after high school over 17 years ago, guys flocked and i thought i was doing something right, so i stopped giving a shit about myself. Damage to my confidence and self esteem and self worth was done.
2005-2015:
I tried to get on track when Hubby & I first got married but the stress of moving to the US wasn't helping. So i got set in my ways. 2009 I seen a doctor who sent me down the wrong path, she had me on unlimited meat, eggs, cheese and 20 carbs a day ONLY from veggies. Everything else was cut out.
3 months passed my numbers on my heath cart were though the roof. But the doctor insisted i continue. Another 3 months went by I was in tears, sure i lost 60lbs but i was feeling like crap. My hubby started a new job and i went and got a 2nd opinion once the health coverage kicked in, turns out due to the diet etc the doc had me on, i was 3 months shy of having a heart attack and dying at 26 years old. Doctors told me to go get whole grain pasta and eat! I cried and ate the whole box that night. That crazy doc even had me on diabetic meds even though i wasn't diabetic ! 4 times the amount a normal diabetic would take, scary stuff!
I eventually in 19 months lost 156lbs, but I got scared thinking back to high school and fell backwards in my ways. Because of the making fun and stuff i went though in high school for being in shape.
May 2015:
Finally may 2015 I started getting back on track again. I was tired all the time. So I sat and wrote myself this list.... (at the time i had kids stuff on this list too til i found out i couldn't have kids)
Pros
- Living a long time to spend with my hubby/family/friends
- Being able to do things (run/walk/lift etc) and not be outta breath
- Enjoy more of what life has to offer
to name a few things, the cons always out weigh'd the bad
Cons
- Dying early
- Leaving my family/hubby/friends behind
- Being so overweight when i do pass on they casket will cost more being more heavy then my poor family having to carry my body being so heavy someone may hurt themselves
- Having my hubby wait on me hand and foot cause id be so overweight i can't do things for myself (bathe, cook, clean etc)
- Health insurance costing more
- Not getting a lot with life insurance
to name a few other things, it keeps me motivated to get my ass in check even more!
I had to give myself tough love.
Today:
Realization & Motivation. Realizing that the haters are over 1000 miles away in another country. I gave myself a goal of cosplaying She-Hulk at comicon next year in 2018.
Still working on self esteem and confidence, its a endless battle for the moment but very much improved over the last 17 years.
As you know Hubby and I now workout together, we both knew we let ourselves go to long. We been married 12.5 years now. He used to be into bodybuilding back in the army but seeing me in my ways I am sure it made him fall in bad ways too. Not to mention my cooking and my Canadian portion sizes as he teased me. Cause I always did huge portions.
I also had a bad habit of when i went shopping for food, id buy junk food and hide it. Candy, chips, soda, etc. It was bad, to this day I finally admitted to hubby that I used to do these things, he about fell over. Cause he never knew til now. I don't have that habit now thankfully I broke it!
We both wanna live a long time together its important to us. We can't have kids, we tried to adopt but no luck there either. So we want to make the best of life. Make our next life the one we are able to have a lot of kids in
Im not going back this time, only forward
In 28 months im down 126lbs and almost 60 inches in my waist, it was hard getting back on track after the first gain loss gain. I dont' wanna do that again cause next time it will be even harder.
I would of been down more but a year ago after working out at home for just over a year and losing 115lbs. I joined a gym. But the trainer I had at my last gym was telling me to eat more, training 5 days a week 2-3hrs a day.... I didn't weigh myself for quite a few months but i felt like I was bloated all the time and I didn't feel any different. I jumped on the scale, i ended up gaining 50lbs back in 6 months!~
January this year I started doing my own thing again. Lost 10lbs and 5 inches in that month doing my husbands old workout routine from when he was in the army.
April this year i joined a new gym, new trainer, new food coach even, 6 weeks and down 15lbs and 6 more inches! Even more since then!
But anyway, that's that
She only had $60 to last 2 weeks before her and her hubby get paid again.
