Mommy & Daddy?

Does the thought of knowing all the words to the latest children's songs make you giddy? Do you browse through Baby Gap just to see how precious tiny jeans and sweaters can be? Does watching a toddler dance erase your stress and make you grin? We thought so. Go ahead and change your name to "Mommy," because you are ready to reproduce! It looks like your baby fever has wiped out any hesitations you might have had — all signs are pointing straight to motherhood. You've got a good idea of how much effort and adjustment being a mom entails (though no one knows exactly what it's like until they've gone through it), and you're still ready, willing, and able to take the plunge. Congrats! It seems like all of your maternal instincts are in high gear, and you've got the motivation, knowledge, and support to back them up. So, go buy that cute little outfit and get busy in the bedroom!

If you want to take the test go to: http://web.tickle.com/tests/standard/mommy2.jsp


Another test I took and the result is:

MY PARENTING STYLE:

Type III parents strike a difficult balance with their children — one between authority and friend. To your children, you are both the rule maker and the confidante. You're very involved in their lives and you've established open verbal communication with them. You are very demanding but very responsive to them as well. You hold your children to a fairly high standard of behavior, but also work hard to be open and emotionally available whenever they need you. You set clear and consistent boundaries to which you ask their respect and adherence, but you do so in a warm, affectionate, and fair manner. You nurture a child's self-reliance and independence by doing things such as including them in family decision-making processes. You run your family like a democracy, wherein your children feel respected and free to question your viewpoints and disagree with the rules of the house. In a manner of speaking, you encourage them to contribute to their own parenting on a day-to-day basis. Punishments, when they happen, do not tend to be distributed in a highly emotional or physical manner, with a lot of yelling or spanking. Rather, they are carried out using more of a non-emotional system of consequences, such as withdrawal of one of the child's privileges or calling for a time-out.

POSITIVE EFFECTS OF MY PARENTING STYLE

Research suggests that your parenting pattern is strongly associated with children who become independent, socially responsible, and emotionally secure adults. It also shows that these children tend to have high self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-control. Furthermore, children raised under the Type III parenting style tend to have really strong relationships with their parents. So much so, that when Type III parents punish their children, the children often understand why — they recognize what they did as wrong, and feel badly about it. Perhaps because they're open to understanding actions and consequences of those actions, these children tend to be very comfortable with social and intellectual self-assertion, and on average have good chances of long-term academic success.

NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF MY PARENTING STYLE

Your close ties to your children's lives have many benefits, but they can also foster some detrimental development. You don't want to be too involved with their daily lives. Doing so can quash your children's independence — even though you are sincerely trying to nurture it. Over-involvement in a child's life can take many forms. Whether children read into your involvement as placing excessive restrictions or feel smothered by too much affection and attention, research has shown that these tendencies can inhibit a child's ability to develop as a spontaneous and independent individual. Excessive control and monitoring can also make your children moody, introverted, and less socially capable than their peers. Smothering children with love and affection can make them impulsive, immature, and less independent than their peers. Your style of parenting is a strong one. The biggest difficulty you face is simply maintaining the fine line between the perfect amount of involvement, and too much. Remember children need time on their own to make their own decisions. Without that, they'll become dependent on others for approval even on simple decisions. And remember, your child changes with age, so expect your role as a parent to also change. The difficulty is learning how to maintain your close, loving, and instructive relationship with your child over time.

TAKE ACTION

As a Type III parent, your strength lies in your suggestive, rather than directive, approach to parent-child interaction. You tend to outline acceptable standards, and encourage your children's conscience to guide their actions. Maintain a close relationship with your children and hold them to the standards and boundaries that you do institute. But make a conscious effort to avoid becoming the kind of parent who lays down the law in a seemingly absolute and arbitrary manner. Sure, it's important that your children do all of their homework to the best of their ability, but don't you also want them to learn for the sake of learning? Your children should not do their homework because you said so, but rather because they're following their genuine interests. This way, they're more likely to develop a strong work ethic and the ability to learn. Children have a great opportunity to learn about the consequences of the decisions they make, but they will only do so if you consistently insist they make decisions and think for themselves in the first place. Encourage them when they are doing their homework and help out where you can, but not too much. Remember that, as your children's parent, you are one of the primary vehicles through which they're learning how to learn.

HOW THEY DETERMEND MY PARENTING STYLE:

Research suggests that when it comes right down to it, there are two main dimensions that contribute to different people's parenting styles. Those dimensions are Parental Warmth and Parental Control. Parental WarmthParental Warmth is an overall dimension that measures the amount of support or affection a parent provides. It can be looked at in terms of how much a parent encourages open communication and discussion of feelings, as well as how much a parent empathizes with their children and offers them unconditional love and support.

HERE IS HOW I SCORED ON THE PARENTAL WARMTH SCALE:

Score: 90% out of 100%

You received a high score with respect to Parental Warmth, which studies suggest is great news for your children. Research shows that high levels of Parental Warmth lead to many positive traits in children, from high self-esteem to confidence in a variety of social settings. Of course, raising children is a complex process — and no single analysis can guarantee your children's success, just as no single way of interacting with your children will work over the entire course of their lifetime. All things change over time, and if you allow your relationship with your children to evolve as time passes, while remaining very affectionate, supportive, and encouraging, then your children should grow up to be secure, confident, and competent adults.

TAKE ACTION

Keep it up! The warmth and affection you show your children should continue as they mature, even when they reach the ages where they might start becoming less emotionally available to you. At this stage, children actually need their parents more than ever — their statements and behaviors notwithstanding. So, try to remain as present and attentive as you always have been, while providing them with the freedom and respect that they have begun to request. Of course, your unconditional love and support must go hand-in-hand with you setting clear and consistent boundaries to which they must adhere. It's really quite important that you always remain "the boss" to a certain extent. Don't loose your authority — this is very important if you want to continue helping your children to develop into responsible and self-reliant adults. If you tell them they may not go out on a school night, and they blatantly disobey, your job is to set them straight in a supportive and compassionate way. Punishment is not inconsistent with being a very warm parent. Sit with your children and discuss the matter, explaining why the rules are as they are, and what they could have done aside from disobeying you.

PARENTAL CONTROL

Parental Control is an overall dimension that measures the degree to which parents monitor, discipline, and regulate their children. It also indicates how strongly parents feel about enforcing rules and expecting their children to take responsibility for their actions.

HERE IS HOW I SCORED ON THE PARENTAL CONTROL SCALE:

100% out of 100%

You scored high on our measure of Parental Control, which research suggests is generally a very good thing for your children. High levels of Parental Control can have quite positive ramifications in your children's lives — everything from interest in academics to high self-esteem and independence. You set up standards and boundaries, and you consistently enforce these boundaries, thereby providing your children with a consistent and predictable sense of what is expected of them. This sort of parenting teaches children to engage their curiosity and spontaneity in a safe, emotionally comprehensible, and approachable environment. That is, it will give them the knowledge to where and when they can push the limits a little. So, you've got the whole Parental Control thing well under control. But be mindful of how you exercise that control. Punishment, when it is dished out, need not be very physical or emotionally charged to be effective. And sometimes that's hard to keep in mind.

TAKE ACTION

The level of control you exercise when it comes to your children is probably good — just make sure your rules are reasonable, and your punishments fair. The best thing you can do is try to remain calm but focused during times of deciding punishment. When faced with a confrontation that could escalate verbally, opt for a more studied approach, like the removal of a privilege that your children usually get to enjoy, or even the old standby, the "time-out." There's a good reason so many parents use that tactic — it really works, and it actually gives your children a few minutes to think about what they've done and why it was wrong. Also, it gives both you and your children time to cool off. Ideally, high Parental Control should be coupled with high Parental Warmth, thereby creating a situation wherein punishment seems just, and children may even feel that they deserved the punishment they received. Act in response to your children's transgressions, but do not over-react. Keep up the good work, and in times of stress keep your mind on the fact that no matter what your children do, your love for them prevails.

YOUR PARENTS PARENTING STYLE

Of course you're your own person. But you might not realize the impact your own rearing has on the way you raise your children. Since this test was designed to show you how your actions affect your children, we wanted also to show you what your parents' parenting style might have to do with how you turned out. Just one caveat, this is just an estimation of what your parents' parenting style is since our aim was not to measure this with the same accuracy as your parenting style.

A loose look at how you answered questions about how you were raised suggests your parents were Type IV parents. When you were a child, did your parents put you on a long leash, so to speak? Did they tell you to do this or not do that, but let it slide if you didn't take their advice to heart? We can see them giving you plenty of space without being too permissive. Many parents of this type are busy people with very busy lives, and they often find that there just is not enough time in the day to do everything they want to do. Perhaps you occasionally slid through the cracks every now and then, but your parents probably always made an effort to make it up to you later on by doing something special they knew you'd enjoy. Provided such parents give their children enough clear love and emotional support, their children have a good chance of turning out to be very self-reliant, with strong senses of independence as well as personal responsibility.

MY PARENTS WARMTH SCORE:

17% out of 100%

Based on your answers to some of our questions about your parents, we determined their Parental Warmth score to be 17%. Your estimation indicates that your parents' level of day-to-day emotional expressiveness was on the lower side of the spectrum. This score suggests that they were somewhat reserved, emotionally speaking, and may have even seemed a bit distant. Perhaps they were sometimes very warm and affectionate, but not consistently or on a day-to-day basis. However, research has found that parents' low levels of demonstrated warmth are related to feelings of reduced personal emotional security among their children. Of course, parents who do not rely on demonstrating explicit affection for their children might show their love in equally constant and effective, implicit ways. Perhaps this was your experience. These more subtle implicit methods could easily provide a child with the affection he or she requires to feel personally secure and confident.

MY PARENTS PARENTAL SCONTROL SCORE:

Based on your responses to some questions on our test, you seem to estimate your parents' degree of Parental Control while you were growing up to have been around 50%. Your parents gave you a lot of independence. Whether you reacted by becoming a complete hellion or not, we can't say. They may have strictly enforced some sub-set of rules they deemed to be the most important, but by and large they let you make and learn from your own mistakes. And by doing so, they might have set your inquisitive nature free. In some cases, lower Parental Control scores have been associated with children not learning personal responsibility or self-control as effectively as they could. Of course, as a child grows older he or she learns such things to some extent, out of simple necessity. So maybe you managed to pick up these good habits on your own, in the course of your explorations.

FINDING THE RIGHT BALANCE

Overall, research suggests that optimal parenting, for most people, involves giving a child lots of unconditional love, affection, and day-to-day involvement. Remember to couple this with clear and consistent limits and boundaries. Sometimes those might seem like contradictory actions — but that's what makes parenting such a challenge. Or at least, that's one of the hundreds of things that makes parenting such a challenge. And when we see progress in our children's behavior, whether that is in school, or on the playground, or just in the back seat of the car during rush hour, we remember why this job is so worth it. When it comes to putting everything that you've read thus far into action, it's best to start with this goal: attain a high level of both Parental Warmth and Parental Control.

PARENTAL WARMTH

Moderate-to-high levels of Parental Warmth teach your children that you can be trusted to be there for them when they need you. In the short-term, you become a "home base," to which your children can return if they become unsure of themselves. This is very important for a child's development into an independent and secure individual, since having such a zone of safety makes it easier for them to venture out and explore freely. Basically, while a child is young, a parent provides vital emotional and physical consistency in a world that becomes more and more complex, confusing, and challenging every day. This warmth allows children to learn to interact with the world in their own way, with the knowledge that if they have a problem they cannot solve, they can go to you to help deal with it. In this way, they develop creativity, problem-solving skills, spontaneity, and a willingness to engage their world independently.

PARENTAL CONTROL

Similarly, moderate-to-high levels of Parental Control seem to optimally help children learn the other side of independence: self-control and personal responsibility. Research bears witness to the old idea that children crave discipline. Parents who monitor and set consistent limits for their children on average end up raising kids who are academically motivated and very self-reliant and responsible. In order to learn to do what you, as their parent, want them to do, children must have boundaries set for them, the violation of which should lead to predictable consequences. It might seem, at times, a bit cut and dry, but it's hard to deny that structure makes learning easier. Think of your own day: how easy would it be to follow a schedule if you didn't have a schedule to follow? Again, the key word is consistency. If your little ones know that you will not put up with them throwing a tantrum in public, and that in fact you respond much more favorably when they ask for things calmly and reasonably, then they are going to work to change to doing things your way. They will learn not to throw a tantrum pretty quickly when they discover that you give them what they want more often when they do ask calmly. Your children want to make you happy and they very much seek your approval. Having a clear set of rules to operate under makes this easier for them, and it reduces the chance that they'll become frustrated.

PUTTING PARENTAL CONTROL & WARMTH TO USE

Putting the recommended amounts of Parental Control and Parental Warmth together creates both an effective parenting pattern and a clear and loving parent-child relationship. But taking this report and applying what you've learned is the next, and obviously most vital, step. So you might be asking yourself: What does the life of the Uber-Parent look like?

BE CHILD-CENTERED INSTEAD OF PARENT-CENTERED.

Quite simply, you'll show an interest in your children's day-to-day activities, potentially even above your own day-to-day business. Know your children's whereabouts and activities, as well as with whom they are good friends (we all know this changes from day to day) and therefore associating on a daily basis. Be interested in your child's schooling, and even involved in his or her schoolwork. And most of all, those lines of communications will be open, 24x7. Talk to your kids every day; always keep your parent-child relationship active, fresh, and heart-felt.

PUT YOUR PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIP ON A TWO-WAY STREET.

Reciprocity is a vital component in any relationship, and this is especially true between parent and child. You want your children to respect you and to pay attention to information and feedback that you offer, so you should initiate this process by showing your respect to them. Pay attention to them when they have news — even if it seems banal to you. A mutually rewarding parent-child relationship is all about establishing a give-and-take. Build trust with your children. Increase their sense of belonging in the family by involving them in family decision-making processes, both major and minor. Truly consider their opinions when they express them. Help your children to participate in your life and theirs by soliciting their input and their involvement.

TAKE A CALM & MEASURED APPROACH TO DISCIPLINE.

When one of the rules is broken, avoid immediate punishment. Sit and discuss the issue, and involve your children, where and when appropriate, by asking what they did that made you upset and what they could have done differently. Generally, research has found it best to avoid physical punishment, as it does not seem to lead to long-term obedience in children. Punishments such as spanking tend to, at best, only achieve a child's short-term compliance, and even this is only based on their desire to avoid something bad from happening, as opposed to trying to make good things happen. Furthermore, this short-term obedience is often gained at the expense of something you would like to nurture in your children, such as their creativity or inquisitiveness. Be firm, but be fair, and make sure the consequences fit the action. If your child is doing badly in school because of refusing to do homework, remove the right to engage in some privileged activity, such as watching the television, until that homework gets done every night. Check your children's homework, and perhaps even sit and help them finish it as a fun, collective activity. Reward them for doing their homework by cooking them a special meal, or taking them someplace special sometime. The bottom-line is: when you demonstrate disapproval, try to then find a way to express approval for good behavior.

SEE IT WORK

It's never too late to make changes that will help your children become healthy, happy adults. But for the smoothest development, start early. Studies show that parents' styles of child rearing during the first three to four years, determine the basis of the child's self-esteem, according to McKay & Fanning, Self-Esteem, 1992. This finding backs up what we know intuitively: before parents can expect a good parent-child relationship, and a well-behaved, thoughtful child, they must first establish a strong foundation. Those first years of child rearing are vitally important. As a parent, the way you structure your interactions with your children to a large extent determine how they will end up. Research, and common-sense, say that children raised by parents who use a reciprocal, give-and-take method of creating an enduring parent-child relationship tend to do well. They often end up with high self-esteem, are academically competent, socially responsible, and increasingly self-reliant as they grow older. They also develop a strong sense of self-control and personal responsibility. Regardless of where you are in your parenting track, don't underestimate children's ability to bounce-back and adapt to new things. Think of your own childhood. Most likely, you had some hellion peers who are now well-balanced, successful, contributing members of society, with children of their own. We all go through some intensely emotional, transitory stages in life. For some of us, that's a polite definition of 'adolescence.' But even the most rebellious, defiant children can become very successful, competent adults with rich and stable emotional lives. What's most important for you is to not lose sight of that, and to remain patient and positive at all times...or at least as much as possible. Parenting is a life-long process, and an evolutionary one; so take all the hints you can, be supportive and keep giving it your all! Beyond all the research-backed suggestions we've brought you in this report, the most important thing you can give your children is belief in yourself as a parent. Essentially, parenting is about common sense. Unfortunately, day-to-day worries and anxieties, combined with the trials and tribulations that go along with raising a child, can sometimes confuse us and muddle our priorities. Difficulties come, and difficulties go, but your relationship with your child endures. So keep learning as much as you can and enjoy the privilege of parenting. It is a never-ending relationship that will enrich your life as well as those around you.

OTHER PARENTING STYLES

Type I

Type I parents are good at setting rules, making them clear, and seeing to it that their children stick to them. By doing this, you teach your children to value work, tradition, and respect for authority. While some parents allow their children's missteps to go unnoticed, you prefer to call them out with swift punishment. This way, your children learn to abide by and honor agreements, whether written, spoken, or simply understood. This is a valuable skill they will carry into their relationships with other people. Yours is a very direct style of parenting, as opposed to a suggestive approach. By acting in this way, you establish relationships with your children that revolve around unwavering demands to comply with your requests. The suggestive approach might seem too soft to you. When you leave children to make decisions on their own, you might feel they are more likely to go astray. After all, they don't have the experience and knowledge that you do. That's why giving them rules and expectations as guidelines probably makes more sense to you. All in all, your direct method of parenting is often highly effective. You, more than other parents, are likely to see more immediate results with your children since the boundaries you set are so clear. They know what to expect, so they know how to adapt their behavior accordingly.

Type II

Type II parents give their children freedom to engage and explore their world in their own way. You believe in a child's natural right to express his or her feelings, desires, and curiosities, and you do not want to stunt this explorative nature with excessive rules and regulations. You also understand the value of rules and importance of structure in children's lives, but you care more about their feelings and experiences as individuals than about their rigid adherence to an arbitrary set of rules. The company line in your house might be "lights out at 10:00," but it's not a big deal if a special television program or an out-of-town guest pushes that back an hour or so. You provide your children with ample love, affection, and emotional support, so they know that you are there when they need you. Type II parents like you believe that good rules have an element of elasticity to them. You also buffer your children with ample nurturing. As a result, your children are curious, and willing to test the rules and risk getting in trouble in order to satisfy this curiosity. With your parenting style, parent-child interactions tend to revolve around this rule-testing, with parents often willing to back down. And, as with all styles of parenting, this leads to some breakthroughs and some pitfalls.

Type IV

As a Type IV parent, you offer your child unequivocal freedom. You've freed your children from the constraints of excessive parental boundary-setting, as well as from perpetual parental coddling and doting. Maybe you consider such things unnecessary, or harmful, or just a waste of time. Perhaps you feel that life itself is the best teacher, and there are some hard lessons that we can only really learn on our own. You're protective of your children, but you believe that your presence in their lives should be more implicit than explicit. Occasionally you must enforce a rule or two, but you prefer to allow your children to learn according to their own schedule and through their own mistakes. Your parenting pattern shows that you do not hold their hands at every possible moment. You consider it important for them to, as they age, maintain a rich and healthy life outside of their parent-child relationship. Your child is important to you, but so are your personal and professional goals, your ambitions, and your life outside of your role as a parent. As a result, your child receives a generous dose of freedom in life as well as a model for how to go about getting what you want in life. But parenting, as you well know, is a tricky game, and you need to be mindful of the freedom you afford them. As with every aspect of life, you need to strike a balance.

HISTORY BEHIND THE TEST

The research behind the test rests on theories developed and brought together by psychologists Diana Baumrind, Ph.D, Eleanor E. Maccoby, Ph.D and John A. Martin, Ph.D. Dr. Diana Baumrind, currently a research psychologist at UC Berkeley, has been a leading researcher in the field of developmental psychology for over forty years. Her work on patterns of parental authority (1971) provided the primary basis for this test. Her work in this area firmly established Parental Control and Parental Warmth as two very important dimensions in studying parenting style, while it also gave rise to the basic version of the four different styles that one arrives at when crossing these two dimensions. Dr. Eleanor Maccoby, a professor emeritus at Stanford University, is one of the foremost developmental psychology researchers in the world today. She has worked to clarify patterns of parent-child interaction and their effects in homes that are comprised of both parents and in homes where a divorce has occurred, as well as on the extent and origins of the differences between the sexes. Dr. Maccoby and Dr. John Martin (1983) synthesized a wide variety of related research done over the prior 20 years, and especially that of Dr. Baumrind, to create the four parenting styles that we used in our test. It is interesting to note that contemporary research in developmental psychology focuses less upon parenting style and more on the parent-child relationship and entire system of interactions more holistically. Thus, experimental developmental psychology today tends to employ observational methods of study, as opposed to such self-report methods as were used in our test, due to the fact that people can not be relied upon to even be able to accurately report about themselves. This problem is especially evident when discussing potentially sensitive topics, such as one's relationship with one's children.

Now if you want to take this test go to: http://web.tickle.com/tests/parentingstyle/