Updates, Life, Everything!

Well today is Thursday, May 3rd.
Allots been happening in the past few months, I couldn't post I didn't wanna post about, just because of all the drama.
I am still not going to post EVERYTHING.
But just somethings.
Like stuff that been going on in the past month or so.
Couple months ago I get a IM from my cuz, telling me grandma was sick, she was rushed to the hospital. Turns out she has leukemia, they will not tell her or treat her for it.
This put a knife in my heart.
They said the reason why is because it isn't bad right now, they feel with her age (91) that she will pass of old age first before the leukemia has a chance to do anything.
Okay so maybe there right who knows!
Things been falling apart for me for awhile now
I been a emotional mess, to the point where i just see like tunnel vision.
I think of others before I think of myself, Ive always been that way.
My husband and I been having our problems too, things are not what they used to be. It's really hard because I did have my hopes for a great marriage.
I have been trying my best to keep things together, we did the marriage counselling and well there is just so much drama there.
I rather not talk about that.
ANYWAYS!
Couple weeks ago I get a IM from my cuz who hasn't talked to me in MONTHS!
My aunt passed away....
Okay last time i felt this bad is when I found out about my other aunt the past away a few years back from my ex-boyfriends MOTHER. Not family ....
Sure its great they told me this time but... A DAY BEFORE THE FUNERAL!
That makes me so mad, I didn't even know she was sick!
Again this is where the tunnel vision comes in.
My husband asked me on his birthday... you wanna work on this?
I mean... what is there to seriously work on?
I been trying for months and he hasn't even came to me or anything to try!
He's been working and sleeping
Sure I'm not perfect far from it!
I needed time to think after everything that's been going on.
He thinks the perfect husband is working.... thats great!
I mean I do live a pretty good life... I work Part time, Take care of the house etc... I love that! But..... When I needed the love and support from him I wasn't getting it.
Sure workings great I love being home.. but where is the emotional and passion and support and all that stuff? I was getting more of that from my online friends and friends from City Of Heroes/Villains then I was him... All I aksed for and wanted was time to think.
He took that as a NO he told me a few days ago when we had a talk.
Then after the talk he pulls out a number of ONE of the girls hes been talking to for the past few weeks... So he says!
*smacks head on desk*
Okay......
Sure I will amit that fucking hurt!
To top it off 2 weeks ago is when I found out about my aunt!
That pisses me off that he says sorry and *hugs* and that's all i get!
I mean shit honestly... that does make me mad!
Sad too!
Hurt YES!
Everyone I talk to keeps telling me .... GET OUT!
Sure easy for you to say!
Kinda hard when I do have a bunch of things in the way and stuff I NEED & HAVE to do!
Don't get me wrong I do still care after everything that's happened, I do still love him but I don't see a future.. We both need help and hes not willing, I am getting the help I need and trying to continue with it.
Also this past Sunday there was a shooting at my work .....
I totally freaked when I heard this!
I was suppose to go to work that day!
But they didn't need me.
Everyone is okay at my work but 3 people died :'(
What is going on with the world today!
Sometimes I just don't know anymore!
But I do know something !!
I have a true best friend!
I love him for putting up with me and accepting me for me!!
Even after the months of not speaking, he forgave me!
Because he understands : )
I am sure life is gonna work out for the best, I just need time.
I need the help I need and I have a feeling its gonna be okay!
There is more to the story on what happened and all but I wont post that.
That is something that is pretty private
Anyways time to eat, need to so I don't get sick : )