For the last 15+ years
and I know many more years in the future
For years before 2020...
I always worried about my husband when he left for work
I would always say my prayers to keep him and everyone safe
I would swallow and smile and keep my chin up as I see him pull from our driveway and head to work, I would get a workout done, house cleaned, meals prepared, errands ran...
I then play my video games, play with our kitties and sit here for the hours he is at work
Keeping myself busy also watching tv, knitting or other hobbies I enjoy doing
When I would get wrestling show work I would do that or spend time with friends
Work on art commissions or my comics to keep the time passing by till he walks in the door
My fear would grow when I don't hear from him for a certain amount of time
But he would always find the time to call now and then to say, "I love you and I wanted to be sure you are doing ok and safe. I miss you and I will be home soon, promise"
I knew he would be okay, he's got a great group of guys and gals that have his back
He always promises to come home every day and I believe him
When he does walk in the door I greet him with a smile and ask him how his day was followed with a hug and kiss.
He then would go shower since he works in a hospital... then we would go about our evening with some dinner and a few tv shows with a glass of wine/beer before we turn in!
Today... as of the last few weeks... I worry even more...
I say my prayers to keep him and everyone safe
I swallow and instead of putting on a smile with my chin raised...
My lower lip trembles in fear as tears fill my eyes as I see him pull out of the driveway
Once he is no longer in view tears fall down my cheeks
As I sit here for the hours he is at work
Fear grows when I don't hear from him for a certain amount of time
He will call now and then to say "I love you and I wanted to be sure you are doing ok, I miss you and I will be home soon, promise"
Sometimes he doesn't get that chance to call at all because things are so busy
I still get a workout done, house cleaned, meals prepared, errands we only run together on his days off every 3 to 4 weeks due to COVID19 so I don't run them anymore...
But I play my video games, play with our kitties, and sit here for the 12 hours he is at work.
I keep myself busy watching tv, knitting or other hobbies I enjoy doing
Wrestling show work is unknown when that will come back again due to COVID19...
Even then I can't do that because I need to save for a new car because of the wear and tear on my current car from doing wrestling shows driving everywhere and back I had to put a lot of work into it to keep it running... so it will be a while...
Spending time with friends is also on hold due to COVID19
As is art commissions and sales with my comics because so many have lost their jobs or just can't afford it right now
I just have to keep finding stuff to keep the time passing by till he walks in the door
But I also find myself breaking down every hour or so, trying to keep strong.
I know he works for an amazing company, he's got amazing people he works with all keeping one another safe and all that... but I still worry...
When he gets in from work I can't hug and kiss him as I used too
Instead, I have gloves and a trash bag in hand for him to throw his uniforms into
I have a bowl of soapy water for him to wash his hands even though his hands are so dry and chapped from using sanitizer all night...
I then lay out a towel and open the shower door for him and while he showers I get dinner and a glass of wine/beer followed with a few episodes of our favorite shows before we turn in. We then share a hug and a kiss, Then wake up to do it all again the next day!
This is coming from me...
I wrote this, I feel this, I am not just scared for him and everyone he works with
But our whole city, country, world...
Who would have thought we would be living a life like this in 2020... we were promised flying fucking cars!
But in all serious... in our lifetime I keep praying every day for us, our family and friends, and everyone in the world today.
Everyone who knows me knows I am a pretty strong person and can hold my game pretty well... I can even during the hardest times keep a smile on my face and hold ground and be the rock for everyone else even when I am crumbling apart on the inside because I find a way to fix it and be able to deal with the stuff I need to deal with. I rarely show I am breaking... because normally I can just fix things on my own!
But today I can't hold my ground or be that rock, I am falling apart slowly and trying to glue the pieces back together but they are falling faster then I can glue... today I am coming out and being honest saying ... I AM FUCKING SCARED!
I can't do this alone just like everyone around me can't do it alone, we need to help one another and build one another up and support one another.
I am truly thankful for my husband and everything he does every day for us and our kitties, I couldn't ask for a better man. Exp with how much shit of mine he's gotta put up with =p
Thank you for reading ♥
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