For A Laugh!

For The Girls... No Offence To Guys...

1. Men are like .......Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like ......Bananas ...... The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like ....Weather ..... Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like ......Blenders .... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like ....Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, &they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like ....Commercials ...... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like .......Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like .......Government Bonds ..... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like .....Mascara ..... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like ......Popcorn . .... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like .......Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

12. Men are like .......Parking Spots ........ All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.


Don't get me wrong I love cats but this is cute!

How to bathe a cat:

1. Thoroughly clean toilet.

2. Lift both lids and add shampoo.

3. Find and soothe cat as you carry him to the bathroom.

4. In one swift move, place the cat in toilet, close both lids and stand on top, so cat cannot escape.

5. The cat will self agitate and produce ample suds. (ignore ruckus from inside toilet, cat is enjoying this).

6. Flush toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides power rinse, which is quite effective.

7. Have someone open outside door, stand as far from the toilet as possible and quickly lift both lids.

8. Clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and outdoors, where he will air dry.


How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has Gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks,write "for sexual favors".

7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation marks

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.

17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!!!!!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"

19. Tell your children over dinner. "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity.......

20. Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or asked you not to send them stuff like this.