Ill NEVER Understand *sigh*

Seriously here...

I am tired that 3 weeks ago when we got closer & closer to getting the house on the market everyone does 360's and goes into a mode where everyone's grumpy as hell stressed freaking out and basically all hell breaking lose.

I left for a few days cause I am tired of everyone freaking out & fighting, a headache that wont stop, heartache too cause I been greaving over family yet still .... last 3 months been HELL for me cause Grandma died last summer (aug) our friend died last may and April 7th was grandpa's birthday he passed Christmas 07, Grandma's birthday was May 1st, Mother's day and fathers day passed and its ... been hard!! I been greaving but yet he don't understand that, but Saturday he said that he wouldn't get on me about the cleaning and just be happy with what I do do.... and if i wanna go out and do something he will be happy with it etc and not complain, Ive always been happy when it comes to taking care of him and the house I love being home, but I do like to get out once in awhile too exp now since Ive made some close friends =)

But agreeing on a place to move is another issue, I get told I can pick then I get told I can't, cause I was wanting to move closer to my friends I been closer with now then before kinda thing u know? Cause if we move where he wants only way to get a second car on the road is if we get a really cheap house but I don't wanna work on the house I just wanna move in and have paint to do and be done with it kinda thing, I love being in the middle of everyone so its all equal but he wants to move where he wants to and 3-4 of our friends will be impossible to get to and see everyday cause its a 30-40min drive *sigh* So another thing that's gonna be nuts once we move cause Id love to be close to my friends house I am at now plus there yards are huge and I fell in love with a few houses this way and we will be in the area, but well its just nuts cause I don't think they will wanna drive 30-40mins almost everyday to come see me if I don't have the car and I don't wanna lose touch :(

What made me mad Saturday is we talked earlier in the week about having Saturday together to hang out over dinner/movie since his brother was there Friday and I went to hang out with my friend Friday cause it was her ONLY day off last week, and I didn't wanna sit around at the house while he had guy time, cause I like giving him that space to do so... its like he wants me there kinda thing so i dunno... but Saturday when he invited his brother to stay for dinner even tho i said i was gonna make steak and taters and we can do movies I took that as he don't wanna hang out kinda thing, he said he was going to the store so i said okay and I reminded him i needed the car later and he said he would brb so a hour later hes not back so i called his bros phone and turned out he went to his other brothers to hang out I did flip cause hello i mentioned i needed the car and i was gonna make dinner etc.. by this point I got the call about my friends mom falling and hurting herself, i was mad that he wanted the childish act of doing this without telling me cause he said I did it when I went out with my friend shopping which he knew but on the way home we stopped at her house for 10mins to see the kids off to bed and med my arm cause it was all sun burnt..... *sigh*

By this point I said you can come home or else when my friend and her mom get here from the hospital im leaving and i guess since his bro was with him and he was staying for dinner... But I guess he took that as for good, I mean he was out with his brothers I figure Im not gonna stay home by myself!! I did take my pc with me to help work on there pc big deal! That way we have a working pc right? ~ Well he went to work Sunday and told people that I had left and moved out and moved in with another co-worker and there family (our friends) which is gonna start roomers which we don't care what people think at this point but seriously how freaken childish is that!? *sigh*

I hate to be the one AGAIN every time to go back and try to work stuff myself out, I am always the first to TRY to get things back on track Ive tired for so long and im annoyed on doing so, but I seriously do love him with all my heart & I want this to work but its like hes still pushing me back, he needs to make up his mind....

*sigh*

I hurt everywhere right now and it's not cool what so ever ='(

Well my friend said she would be the 3rd Party if I wanted her to but my fear is if she does that he will get highly pissed and kick her outta the house and tell me not to hang out with her and if i do then __________ kinda thing and shes one of my best friends! ~ We tried a councilor once upon a time a free one cause can't afford much else... this was years ago and about other issues but it wouldn't work.... just doesn't help that his dad is always blah blah as well about house stuff ... i understand hes got money invested in helping us etc but I was never ready for this house to go on the market because everytime i get rdy to move all hell breaks lose and shit falls apart...... like whats going on now! I moved every year of my life up til 5.5 years ago when hubby and I got married and now cause im getting rdy to move again everythings falling to pieces and I am scared! I think we can work this but he needs to step up too!

I am not perfect I know this but *bangs head on desk and cries*

='(