Military Life

It may take you two minutes to read this, but if you do not take the time to read this you are one of the people this post is talking about.

____________________________________________________

You stay up for 16 hours

He stays up for days on end.
____________________________________________________

You take a warm shower to help you wake up.

He goes days or weeks without running water.
____________________________________________________

You complain of a "headache", and call in sick.

He gets shot at as others are hit, and keeps moving forward.
____________________________________________________

You put on your anti war/don't support the troops shirt, and go meet up with your friends.

He still fights for your right to wear that shirt.
____________________________________________________

You make sure you're cell phone is in your pocket.

He clutches the cross hanging on his chain next to his dog tags.
____________________________________________________

You talk trash about your "buddies" that aren't with you.

He knows he may not see some of his buddies again.
____________________________________________________

You walk down the beach, staring at all the pretty girls.

He patrols the streets, searching for insurgents and terrorists.
____________________________________________________

You complain about how hot it is.

He wears his heavy gear, not daring to take off his helmet to wipe his brow.
____________________________________________________

You go out to lunch, and complain because the restaurant got your order wrong.

He doesn't get to eat today.
____________________________________________________

Your maid makes your bed and washes your clothes.

He wears the same things for weeks, but makes sure his weapons are clean.
____________________________________________________

You go to the mall and get your hair redone.

He doesn't have time to brush his teeth today.
____________________________________________________

You're angry because your class ran 5 minutes ove r.

He's told he will be held over an extra 2 months.
____________________________________________________

You call your girlfriend and set a date for tonight.

He waits for the mail to see if there is a letter from home.
____________________________________________________

You hug and kiss your girlfriend, like you do everyday.

He holds his letter close and smells his love's perfume.
____________________________________________________

You roll your eyes as a baby cries.

He gets a letter with pictures of his new child, and wonders if they'll ever meet.
____________________________________________________

You criticize your government, and say that war never solves anything.

He sees the innocent tortured and killed by their own people and remembers why he is fighting.
____________________________________________________

You hear the jokes about the war, and make fun of men like him.

He hears the gunfire, bombs and screams of the wounded.
____________________________________________________

You see only what the media wants you to see.

He sees the broken bodies lying around him.
____________________________________________________

You are asked to go to the store by your parents. You don't.

He does exactly what he is told even if it puts his life in danger.
____________________________________________________

You stay at home and watch TV.

He takes whatever time he is given to call, write home, sleep, and eat.
____________________________________________________

You crawl into your soft bed, with down pillows, and get comfortable.

He tries to sleep but gets woken by mortars and helicopters all night long.
____________________________________________________

If you support your troops, re-post this with "military life"

If you don't support your troops well, then don't re-post

Keys to My Heart . . . .

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Another Question Thing - Thanks Muuz

Tired of all of those surveys made up by high school kids?

'Have you ever kissed someone?'

'Missed someone?'

'Told someone you loved them?'

'Drank alcohol?'

Here are 50 questions for the people who are a little more "mature"...


1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
I don't have a credit card anymore - THANK GOD! I am never getting one again! But bills I hate paying.... Just the normal bills but in the summer I hate paying the power bill.

2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
Never had one..

3. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?
All things happen for a reason, although I would like to change a few things I rather not I wouldn't be who I am today

4. Name of your first grade teacher?
Mrs Patakey (think i spelt it wrong though) - pretty sure that was her name

5. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Im fine with doing this accually :)

6. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
I have always thought of myself as a teacher until grade 5 then i wanted to be a doctor then at grade 9 wanted to be a vet then a chef... now.... stay at home mom does that count?

7. How many colleges did you attend?
None so far.

8. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
Its comfortable.

10. GAS PRICES?
Its outrageous.

11. If you could move anywhere right now and you could take someone with you, who would you go with?
Heh um... I wanna be alot of diffrent places atm, all my friends are in AZ.... why did you have to ask this question!

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
If I have to work - Oh god turn it off more sleep please......
If I don't have to work - The alarm isn't on I wake up when I want

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Free RPG day tomorrow..


16. What errand/chore do you despise?
Um... yardwork, I am not wanting to clean my basement either im scared to what im gonna find down there... its stuff my husband has had down there b4 we got married 2 years ago... scarey place!! O.O;;

17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
Yeah, it helps pass the time. Some times it helps people out and makes them happy.

18. Get up early or sleep in?
Early.. about 9-9:30am is a good time for me ... sleep in? when I do its usually 11 noon... maybe 1

19. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Sailor Moon.

20. Favorite thing to do at night with a girl/guy:
Cuddle, watch movies, play games ^_^

21. Have you found yourself yet?
In order to find one's self, one's self must be lost, right? I have yet to be lost... so... - Nice Trev lol

22. When did you first start feeling old?
Uhm.. after i hurt my back at work 3 times.

23. Favorite 80's movie?
I have a few....

24. Your favorite lunch meat?
Turkey

25. Favorite thing to get at the grocery store
Food? lol

26. Beach or lake?
I <3 Sunsets on the beach although lakes are nice too... choices choices lol.

27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
No, I don't, more people need to take it seriously.

29. Favorite guilty pleasure?
Hmm.. not sure

30. Favorite movie you love you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
I could careless if people know what movies I like.


31. What's your favorite drink?
Mmm... mountain dew...

32. Cowboys or Indians?
EH?

33. Cops or Robbers?
32 & 33 remind me of games from my youth heh.

34. Who from high school would you like to run into?
A lot of people. Even the ones I went to school with at LKCS, expecally the ones that made fun of me.

35. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
Um... 980 KMBZ - news/Darla J

36. Norm or Cliff?
In the words of The Pepsiman..... BUH?.

37. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?
Both are funny. Though I prefer Simpsons

38. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
No Comment

39. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?
I hardly sit at work... but I like all the people I work with ^_^

40. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Hmm.. good question there is quite a few

43. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
Nope, never operated one.

44. Last book you read for real?
Comics count?

45. Do you have a teddy bear?
Teddy bear... yeah somewhere.

46. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
I wouldn't call it strange but in the bedroom count?..

47. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go.
All of it lol.

48. Do you go to church?
I had alot as a kid, started falling asleep in my earily teens never went back after that.

49. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
I refuse to choose between a relationship and a career.

50. Just how OLD are you
19 :) turning 26 in december

Question Thingy - Thanks AL

1) How many keys are on your keychain?
-2

2) If you were given a canvas and watercolors, what would you paint?
-Depends on my mood but whatever comes to mind

3) What do you regard as the most repulsive form of music?
-I listen to everything and anything

4) Whose mind, besides your own, would you like to control?
-Haha, I have enough trouble controlling my own mind, but if I had to choose, hehe if you only knew ;)

5) What is the most dangerous occupation?
-I would think military, cops, security guards... anything that deals with the laws of life, prolly even nurses and doctors too, but any job is dangerous if your not careful

6) What is the first thing you do when you get out of bed?
-Hit the bathroom usually, lol.

7) What do you consider the greatest threat to mankind?
-Mankind.

8) If you could project yourself into the past, where would you go?

Burning times sound cool but I wouldn't go cause I know id be burned at the stake, hmm good question though

9) What are you thankful you're not doing right now?
-well i have to go to work in a few so im glad im not at work ........ YET.

10) What is your favorite kind of candy?
-Hmm... chocolate of sometype! but Skittles or Starburst are good too... strawberry ones!.

11) What is your favorite thing about the beach?
-I like walking along the beach around sunset its so pretty.

12) If you were invisible, where would you go?
- I know quite a few places ;)

13) What is one object in your home that you are embarrassed to own?
-I don't think I have anything I'm embarrassed about.

14) Fill in the blank; When I dance, I look like _________.
- Not sure, I get silly and do the City Of Heroes dances lol.

15) Who is one person you wish you'd never met?
-Um.. good question lol im not really sure.

16) What is your favorite fruit?
-Strawberries!!

17) What is your favorite kind of cookie?
-anything with chocolate!

18) If you were an evil dictator, where would you rule?
-Uhh not sure.

19) What do you need to get right now at the drug store?
-candy? lol.

20) What song do you keep hearing over and over again?
-Alot of the ones on my playlist but i love those songs :) .

21) What was the happiest age of your life?
-So far? probably 24 but I do love the friends I have made so... quite a few

22) What is your favorite piece of clothing that you own?
My comfortable pj pants.

23) What two words describe your lifestyle?
-Not sure really.

24) If there is a hell, where is it?
- Hell MI ? i dunno lol

25) Which ocean creature fascinates you most?
-Quite a few of them accually but I like dolphins.

26) On a scale of 1-10; how religious are you?
-depending on what religion you speak of.

27) What historical figure would you most like to have a discussion with?
-What do you mean by historical? Anyone in history? I can't remember the name right now but there is a few ppl.

28) What color looks best on you?
black, blue, green

29) What is your favorite thing about being sick?
-I hate being sick but I like catching up on my sleep and rest.

30) What's new?
-nothing ever is as of late.

31) Why are you here right now?
-Cause I have to be?

32) What commercial do you find most annoying?
-Oooh...I dont have tv :p

33) What was your favorite meal growing up?
-pot roast or chicken and dumplings.

34) If you had to spend the rest of your life in one place, where would it be?
-Somewhere with someone speacial relaxing and just being ourselves playing games and watching movies :)

35) Fill in the blank; I am so much smarter than ________.
-I was a second ago.

36) What one person or thing reminds you of the 80s?
-Retro nite every saturday! Brandon and I City of heroes it up and do that, good times and so much fun!.

37) What is college really good for?
-Hmm.. not really sure I didn't go to college.

38) Where is the most beautiful place you've ever been?
-my backyard? Im not sure but I wanna go to the grandcanyon in AZ

39) What body part aches you the most right now?
-My back

40) When is the angriest you've ever been?
-Um well... there where a few times accually, found a few things I shouldn't of found and Joel calling another women infront of me that he was talking too... you get the idea.

41) What do you waste your time doing?
-I never waste my time. If I thought what I was doing was a waste of time, I wouldn't be doing it..

42) On a scale of 1-10; how much do you trust people?
-9, and it usually comes back to bite me, but I'll still keep doing it. - Ditto AL

43) If you were forced to choose your own death, how would you die?
-Hmm not really sure, Ive always dreamed of sleeping in my bed with the one I love next to me us dying at the sametime in our sleep *shrug* im not really sure.

44) On a scale of 1-10; how photogenic are you?
Um all depends really.

45) What aspect of your personality could use a little work?
-I have a wonderful personality. How dare you suggest otherwise... yeah... I tried... well, self-confidence could use some help. - again I agree AL

46) What is your greatest addiction?
-City Of Heroes/Villians!.

47) What issue are you sick of hearing about?
-Not sure.

48) If you were a professional wrestler, what would your ring name be?
-Mistress Noire.

49) What language would you like to master?
-Umm a few accually.

50) What is your favorite dish at a Chinese restaurant?
-umm geez I don't remember the names but I would know em if i seen them.

51) Who would you least likely expect a phone call from?
-Any of my highschool friends that I havn't talked to since highschool.

52) What is the longest you have ever gone without a shower?
-One time when i was really sick and couldn't move outta bed I think it was a week, cause all i did was sleep.

53) What is the saddest movie you have ever seen?
-Not really sure, i am emotional so um... heh.

54) What time do you usually fall asleep?
-When I feel like it... most times its 2-3am depending if i have to work etc the next day.

55) Where is the worst place to be stuck waiting?
-Emergency room. If you're there, it's not for a good reason. - Agreed

56) What is the cutest animal on Earth?
-Kitties, Bunnys, Puppies... quite a few :)

57) Name one celebrity that has no right being a celebrity.
-Paris Hilton... - I agree with you AL.

58) What hobby have you always wanted to pick up?
-Good question.

Cereal Company Promises 'No More Cartoons' ??

WTF!

I just got done watching and reading a article on this.
This is freaken crazy.
For the mom's that are wanting to sue cause of this?
You are the ones that feed your kids this stuff so it's not the companys fault, they make the stuff yes because people like YOU buy it and feed it to your kids.
Simple really say NO to your kids when they want it!
Also... to stop advertising to kids under 12?
The parents let there kids watch the TV!
Most parents now a days both work...
They are never home!
So.. the kids will probably end up seeing it!
It's a shame things cost so much that you have to have both people working now a days and wonder why our children turn out the way they do!
I feel you need at least one parent there 85% of the time or more if need be so the kids have someone to turn to and look up to but thats just me, Im so old fashioned :)
But It really comes down to how the kids are raised and how much time is spent with them by the parents.
Now thanks to these mom's Kellogg will be changing their cereals and make them taste like crap, I hate to say it but you know they will now!
So I wouldn't be surprised if we see a drop in the market with Kellogg's so thanks to you mom's that can't control things for taking the cartoons and yummy food I grew up with away :(
Thanks for ruining it for the rest of us that enjoy it, all because probably 2% of you want it YOUR way!
I am just ranting... but seriously!

http://cbs13.com/health/local_story_165190501.html

Double Xp Weekend Is Over! :(

What did you accomplish?

I got my villian Mistress Ivorie 3 bubs from 31

Noire-chan I got from lvl 20-22

Natasha Snow I got from lvl 27.2-28.4

Noirekins I got from lvl 8-21.2

Sonica I got from lvl 35-38.1

I think thats all of them :)
Thanks to everyone that helped!
It was alot of fun and sorry to my other friends we will team up soon!! That you can count on! & when another double xp weekend comes around!

DOUBLE XP WEEKEND IS HERE!

Thats right fokes, I will be playing City Of Heroes/Villians all weekend as much as I can! First character to get some love today is Mistress Ivorie, Mistress Noire's Arch-Nemesis!

Tell Me About Yourself, The Survey

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Tina
Birthday:	December 7th 1981
Birthplace:	London, Ontraio, Canada
Current Location:	MO, USA
Eye Color:	blue
Hair Color:	red - naturally blonde
Height:	5'4''
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right
Your Heritage:	Canadian, American, German, Russian, British
The Shoes You Wore Today:	None
Your Weakness:	Seeing a kitty cat and wanting to take it home with me, chocolate, few things
Your Fears:	Where my life is headed, who I will be with, where I am gonna stay, will i be/feel safe... list goes on
Your Perfect Pizza:	meat and cheese :)
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	good question...
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	heh, lol, frap, um... quite a few
Thoughts First Waking Up:	I wanna go back to bed please
Your Best Physical Feature:	I been told my smile and eyes
Your Bedtime:	Whenever I feel like it
Your Most Missed Memory:	Concerts
Pepsi or Coke:	Pepsi
MacDonalds or Burger King:	Havn't had either In awhile....
Single or Group Dates:	Single, sometimes group depends where we are going and with who
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Nestea
Chocolate or Vanilla:	chocolate!
Cappuccino or Coffee:	cappuccino
Do you Smoke:	nope
Do you Swear:	yes
Do you Sing:	yes
Do you Shower Daily:	yes
Have you Been in Love:	yes..
Do you want to go to College:	I wish I could but can't afford it
Do you want to get Married:	I am ...
Do you belive in yourself:	yes
Do you get Motion Sickness:	sometimes
Do you think you are Attractive:	yes
Are you a Health Freak:	somestimes
Do you get along with your Parents:	no
Do you like Thunderstorms:	hell ya!
Do you play an Instrument:	yes - drums, keyboard, base, guitar... havn't played in ages tho
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	yes
In the past month have you Smoked:	no
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	no
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	yes everyday I work I do
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	no
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	no
In the past month have you been on Stage:	no
In the past month have you been Dumped:	no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	no
Ever been Drunk:	yes
Ever been called a Tease:	yes
Ever been Beaten up:	no
Ever Shoplifted:	when I was like 8
How do you want to Die:	Never thought about it really
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	I am grown up and I still don't know
What country would you most like to Visit:	Japan, Europe, few places
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	don't matter
Favourite Hair Color:	don't matter
Short or Long Hair:	don't matter but I love long hair <3
Height:	taller then me
Weight:	don't matter
Best Clothing Style:	don't matter - comfortable works best :)
Number of Drugs I have taken:	0
Number of CDs I own:	uhh alot
Number of Piercings:	4
Number of Tattoos:	0
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	a few
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Question Thingy

Go to your page (myspace) and list the last twelve people who have commented you. If someone has commented twice, skip to the next new commenter. Skip bands.

1. Zack
2. Scott
3. Catsi
4. Jorden
5. Mabel
6. Fire
7. Ninja Fang
8. R-Weapon
9. Crystal
10. Mrs. Onyejeose
11. Death Sheep
12. Matt

Q: Have you ever kissed 6?:
A: nope

Q: What's the best memory you have of 9?
A: We have been friends since highschool, goodtimes!

Q: When's the next time you're gonna see 4?:
A: I dont know! Probably In CoH tonite!

Q: Is number one cute?
A: haha sure...

Q: What was your first impression of number 7?
A: Cool

Q: How did you meet 3?:
A: City Of Heroes!

Q: Is 10 your best friend?:
A: a good friend

Q: Have you ever seen 6 run around like a maniac?
A: um nope

Q: Do you think 2 has a crush on you?
A: lol, I dunno...

Q: What is the last thing you did with 12?
A: Well, we chatted in City Of Heroes...

Q: Have you ever been in 2's house?
A: No...maybe someday?

Q: Would you ever kiss number 4?
A: hahahaha

Q: Have you ever slept in the same room as 5?:
A: newp, maybe one day when we go to a AZ bar and drink ourselves silly and Pman has to drive us back home and we pass out on the floor........... ROFL!

Q: When's the next time you'll see 10?:
A: idk

Q: Are you really close to 4?:
A: Kinda.

Q: Have you ever kissed 8?
A: Nope

Q: Have you ever been to the movies with 3?
A: Nope

Q: Have you ever gotten in trouble with 8:
A: I think so.... it was one time in coh ...

Q: When's the last time you saw 6?
A: never

Q: Do you even know 9?
A: Of course!

Q: Would you give number 11 a hug?
A: Sure!.

Purple Rose

Your Love is Represented by a Purple Rose

For you, love is all about chemistry and attraction. You totally believe in love at first sight. If a relationship is right, you know it from the start. You're often sure of your feelings. And you're not afraid to express them.

What Rose Represents Your Love?

Things You Probably Didn't Wanna Know About Me =P

[Shoe size] - 9
[Parents still together] - no
[Siblings] - 1 step sister, 1 half sister, 1 half brother
[pets] - 5 cats - Slayer, Salem, Scyko, Bubbles, Olivia.... Then If you count my Sabby Poo back In Canada with my ex Richard.

FAVORITES
[Color]- Red, green, blue, purple.. Im sure there is more too!
[Number]- 7
[Flower] - Roses

DO YOU
[Twirl your hair?] Yes
[Have tattoos?] - nope
[Cheat on tests?] - No I dont take tests
[Like roller coasters?] - I Never been on one :(
[Wish you could live somewhere else?] - yeah
[Like cleaning?] - when I get in a mood to clean yes
[Write in cursive or print?] - both
[Know how to drive?] - yup
[Own a cell phone?]- I am gonna get one next payday! Gonna get a deal too!!
[Ever get off the Internet?] - newp

HAVE YOU EVER
[Been in a fist fight?] - yes
[Considered a life of crime?] - no
[Considered being a hooker?] - no!
[Been in love?] - yes
[Made out with JUST a friend?] - no
[Been in lust?] - not that i remember
[Kicked someone in the nuts?] - on accident
[Current clothing] - Sweater and PJ pants
[Current hair] - Dyed Red.. Letting it grow long, odd time ill cut the dead ends myself, nothing fancy.
[Current thing I ought to be doing] - whatever I want... nap sounds good.. then Retro Night with my best friend <3 samething I do every Saturday night, look forward to it every Saturday! =D
[Current cd in stereo] - Flyleaf
[Last movie you saw] - Night At The Museum with Ben Stiller
[Last thing you ate] - Chick-fil-a - #4 - large with a half sweet half unsweet tea :)
[Believe there is life on other planets?] - Yes
[Read the newspaper?] - Nope
[Hate yourself?] - Heck No! I love me and if you don't to bad for you :p
[Have an obsession] - Not really
[Believed in love at first sight?] - Yes
[You believe in "the one?"] - yes!
[Are you a tease?] - I can be yes
[Too shy to make the first move?] - I can be yes

ARE YOU A
[Daydreamer] - Yes
[Sarcastic] - Yes
[Shy] - Yes can be
[Talkative] - yup

WOULD YOU RATHER...
1. pierce your nose or lip:: Nose
2. be serious or be funny:: funny

ARE YOU...
1. simple or complicated:: complicated
2. What time is it:: 7:02pm
3. Name:: Tina
4. Nickname(s):: Teenie, Noire, Mistress, Tina Noire, Sis, Babe, Hon, Baby, Noire-chan, Sweetie.... Im sure there is more... heh

WHAT DO YOU WANT...
1. Where do you want to live: Somewhere I will be safe and loved for me, taken care of .... Be happy.... list goes on....
2. What kind of job do you want: I love the job I have right now, I just need more hours
3. Do you want to get married:: I am married... I have always wanted to get married and well what I listed in question one

UNIQUE..
1. Nervous Habits:: Biting my nails, tapping a pen on my desk... few things
2. Are you double jointed: no
3. Can you roll your tongue:: yes
4. Can you raise one eyebrow:: yes
5. Can you cross your eyes:: yes
6. Do you make your bed daily:: nope, only when I wash the sheets and stuff heh

CLOTHES, ETC...
1. Which shoe goes on first:: right
2. Ever thrown one at someone:: yes
3. How much money do you carry in your wallet?:: Usually My debt card.. sometimes I will carry cash and when I do its usually $20 or so but its never in there long

In the last month have you...
Bought something:: yes
Gotten sick:: yes
Sung: yes
Felt stupid:: yes
Missed someone:: yes all the time :(
Gotten drunk:: yes
Danced like crazy:: yes
Gotten your hair cut:: i do it myself, but yes
Watched cartoons:: of course

Last Person that...
Slept in your bed:: Joel and all 5 cats =P
Saw you cry:: Heard me cry is more like it but Brandon
Made you cry:: Myself worrying and being scared
Saw a movie with you:: Joel
Said 'I love you' to you: Joel

HAVE YOU EVER...
Been to California:: no
Been to Canada:: *looks at birth cerificate* Duh.. Im canadian, just live in the US now ;)
Been to Europe:: no
Wished you were the opposite sex:: nah
Snuck out of your house:: I just leave when i want

More Comment Tags!

Comment Tags I Love! <3

So Tired....

Well I got home from work not long ago.
Im beat...
Tired..
I gotta get up and go back to work in about 7hrs
Man I dont' wanna go to sleep but I am gonna have to or I am gonna be really tired tomorrow and even more bitchy
Well gonna go lay down..
post more later, I have a phone call =D
*goes off smiling* =D


Fyi... pause the playlist at the bottom of the page to watch this vid, I really enjoy it, thanks to a friend of mine for posting it on my myspace blog :)

What Should I Do?

Well it's now going on after 1pm
I thought I could get back to bed and get some more Z's before work and stuff, and I can't.
Good news I finally found out what was causing my lag with city of heroes, the fan inside my compy broke so now cause I gotta save my moneys I got the standup fan blowing right on my compy. So it's like having a over sized fan to cool my pc instead of the small one and its working wonders so I am gonna leave it there.
Well, I had a talk today with a friend of mine and now I just don't know, I feel the way I feel I want what I dream about and I mean who doesn't?
But yeah I get his point
Right now I just think...
Well what if I just turn into supa bitch mode and just reverse who I am totally.
Just don't care and quit giving and just... I don't fucking know
I mean I know it's not who I am, but what if I just change?
How would that make others feel and such but if I do change what do I care really.
Sometimes I just feel I should just give up my hopes and dreams and where I want to be in life. I don't even know why I am posting this probably just to get the way I feel and my thoughts out there... again I dunno Im just typing.
I do need to get this out so i can TRY and get some sleep.
My minds been goign a mile a min since last Thursday and I havn't been able to sleep or concentrate, all i been wanting to do is keep going and going like that dang pink bunny.
I know what I need/want in life to be happy, but why can't I have it or find it or whatever? I mean it's like I have it and/or I find it then I get scared and I sit back and just think... okay....
I am not trying to be drama queen here its just the way I feel.
I mean sometimes yeah I can get clingy cause when I find good friends or something I love or even someone I don't want to let go because I dont' have very many people in my life that accually give a shit. I get scared I am or might loose them and I don't want that.
I have my dreams and yeah everyone does and people who have high dreams are gonna do what they can to fight for them. Others will just sit back and let them pass on by and be like whatever.
I was always taught to fight for what I believe in and you know i try to do that everyday. It's just so freaken hard.
I mean I know life isn't easy but it just makes me so freaken mad cause all I want is to be happy, and all that stuff. Everyone does !
I do like challanges but some challanges are just... I dont want them!
I was trying to sleep but I had all this going though my head, I had to get it out somewhere and some way... and I have no one to talk to right now.
So my blog it is.
Feel free to comment or for those of you that know my email or IM name, feel free to do so or for those of my friends that read my blog, feel free to call me or txt me.
I work tonite from 5pm-??
Due to a floorset at work
Ill be around eventually, hopefully I got enough out and off my mind that i can at least get 2 or so hrs before I gotta get up take a shower and go to work.
Until next time....
Im out
before I do though.. one question I always wonder if there is something seriously wrong with me or am I alright? with my dreams or whatever.... ah well time to sleep.....
I hope
Zzzzzzz....... maybe

ps.... Im also just so scared of where my life is gonna go, where i am gonna end up, will i be safe, will i be loved again for who i am and able to love someone who will love me back and take care of me and let me do the same for them... just so many things.... anyways... gonna try now before my brain starts to think, worry, stress, etc.... again..... - But I mean its not like I dont love Joel and he don't love me... but we just can't trust each other... or is it he just can't trust my friends.. i dunno - Zzzzz

Sakura - RP Character Of Mine - Bio coming soon!

Sakura

Once upon a time ago I roleplayed on myspace. I was a catgirl named Sakura. I had 5 roleplay accounts. I am down to one now but I am rarly on anymore. After all the drama with Sakura I had deleted that account but she was one of 2 accounts I really enjoyed. I had a blue haired Sakura too but the one I am talking about is the Pink Haired one *points above at pic*

She represented my soft, sencitive emotional side of me. The things I dream of in life... Family friends etc etc. You get the idea ^_^

Ill finish this more later, stay tuned!

What Kinda Neko Am I ?

What kind of neko are you?

You're a loving neko! Sometimes people might think you are a slut but all you want is human contact. You have so much love to give but no one to give it to. Don't give up! You'll find someone.
Take this quiz!

Mew Mew!

What Anime Cat-girl are you?

Your a sweet catgirl.Shugary sweet and always trying to do the right thing, helping out the needy and and smiling sweety are what you do best. But your never going to brag, thats why people love you so much. Except..when your driving us insane with your over amout of kindness.
Take this quiz!

Questions - Thanks Mabel =)

1. Do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to?

nope

2. Is it harder to be rejected or to reject someone?

To be rejected. To reject someone is funny sometimes. (agreed x2)

3. What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?

Honestly I can't even remember, I know it was alot of 80's music like New Kids On The Block etc =)

4. What is the best thing about your current job?

I basicly get paid to hang out, but when we do have shipment or floorsets we do work our butts off... It's pretty easy and fun =)

5. What is your next major goal in life?

Well things are a bit rocky right now, I know what I need to do and stuff but I just want to be happy right now, loved for me! and other things, u know how it goes...

6. What's the last thing you drank?

Mt Dew FTW!

7. Have you been on a date in the past week?

Yeah guess you can say I have, went to lunch with Joel

8. Where are you going on your next vacation?

Not sure, back home for a visit sounds good, but with everything going on... I can't take a vacation right now

9. Have you ever thrown up from working out?

Nope, just being really hungry after =P

10. Are most of the friends in your life new or old?

All of them are pretty new when it comes to friends, I I do have some old friends but alot of my old friends don't talk to me :(

11. Have you ever gotten so wasted you didn't know what was going on?

never to that point (agreed)

12. Do you like pulp-y orange juice?

No Pulp free please

13. Are you touchy feely?

*giggles at mabel's remark* - Hm I can be sometimes I guess... All depends who I am involved with the person

14. Did you cry at your high school graduation?

nope

15. Do you prefer the tanning bed or the sun?

I like the sun - although I burn to a crisp

16. Where are two of your favorite places to eat?

Hometown Buffet is one, Usually buffets more choices... Im not all that fussy though as long as its not seafood.

17. What could you tolerate...someone who snores or a sleep walks?

snoring because sleeping walking is too zombie like (agreed)

18. Do you consider yourself bi-polar?

No not at all

19. What's something your friends make fun of you for?

my snorting maybe - ROFL - Me too mabel! And a few other things but its all good :)

20. What's your worst personality flaw?

I honestly just woke up, give me a few to think, I know Im not perfect... Just need a few to think :)

21. What color underwear are you wearing?

Haha mabel! - Blue and Pink flowers =P

22. Would you ever parachute off of a plane?

Im scared of heights but hmm maybe I dunno

23. Have you ever rode an elephant?

yes when I was little

24. Are you Irish in any way?

Naw

25. Have you ever ridden in a U-Haul?

Yup

26. Do you like to play Scrabble?

*looks at mabels remark* I Love Scrabble even though my spelling is crappy lol, but I do like playing :) *nudges mabel*

27. Have you ever been to a nude beach?

No

28. Have you ever drank Jack Daniels?

yep

29. Have you ever had sex on the beach?

The drink yes... the accual thing.... no

30. What are you saving your money for right now?

Life changes... nuff said

31. What was the last gift card you received?

Bath & Body Works

32. Who do you like right now?

Names will not be mentioned *sits back with a smile* Quite a few people though, they been amazing friends and they know who they are =)

33. Does the number of people a person's slept with affect your opinion of him or her?

Yes, and No... Hard to explain cause I mean no one is perfect but then again... depends on the relationship and reasons and well... I just have no comment right now ... *brain is sleeping still*

34. Do you look at the toilet paper after you wipe?

o_O

35. What do you do when you spot a bug in your house?

depends on the bug, sometimes my kitties already pounced for me so all i have to do is get a napkin and drop it in the toilet :)

36. What is your favorite Disney movie?

The Wizard Of Oz & Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory... Um... quite a few :)

37. Where were you 1 hour ago?

Sleepin in my bed .... Zzzzzz... Im awake HONEST!

38. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?

Customers at work... unless you mean talk talk... Joel

39. What was the last thing that really made you smile?

Playing CoH last nite and Running mishes with one of my best friends while talking to another good friend of mine *pounce*

40. What are you doing right now?

Sitting here filling this out... thinking of mabel's comment thats making me hungry =)

More Quiz's - Thanks AlanS aka Matt =)

You Are a Natural Flirt

Believe it or not, you're a really effective flirt. And you're so good, you hardly notice that you're flirting. Your attitude and confidence make you a natural flirt. And the fact that you don't know it is just that more attractive!

What Kind of Flirt Are You?

Your Mind is PG-13 Rated

Your mind is definitely a little dirty. You're naughty, but not trashy. You don't shy away from a dirty joke, and you're clearly not a prude.

Do You Have a Dirty Mind?

Your Kisses Are Medium-Hot

Your kisses are definitely sexy, but you're not about to make anyone gasp for air. You take it slow and steady... and you ramp things up when you get the right signals. Your kissing style is adaptable and adept. And people who kiss you love it!

How Hot Are Your Kisses?

Love Profile

Sagittarius - Your Love Profile

Your positive traits: Your playful nature brings out the happy inner-child in dates You're willing to take risks in love... and reap the rewards You've got a killer sense of humor that gets talking with any hottie you meet Your negative traits: Sometimes your sarcasm comes off as biting and abrasive You can be brutally honest, tactless, and truthful even when it hurts You're such a free spirit that you find it hard to commit to one person Your ideal partner: Someone high energy who will pick up and out with you whenever Is creative and fun - thinking of new adventures for the two of you Is bold... and not afraid to tell you "I love you" early on Your dating style: Unpredictable. You never know how the night is going to end up. Your seduction style: Daring. You're always pushing to try something new in the bedroom. Full of imagination. You've always got a new fantasy you're dying to try. Spiritually driven. Sex for you can be an other-worldly act. Tips for the future: Realize that while freedom is great - sometimes a stable relationship is better. It's not all about you. Focus on your partner's needs every once and a while. Make up your mind about your partner, and stick to it. Your fickle will ruin things otherwise. Best color to attract mate: Purple Best day for a date: Thursday

What's Your Love Profile?

Questions

1.Spell your name without an R, E, S, H, I, M, or A.
TN

2. Are you single?
No, Married

3. What's your favorite number?
7

4. Favorite color?
BlacK, Red, Green, Purple, Blue

5. Least favorite color?
White

6. What are you listening to?
My Playlist

7. Do you dance around in your underwear?
Um yeah

8. Are you happy with your life right now?
Friends Yes, Other things no...

10. What is your favorite subject in school?
I'm not in school

11. Do you shop at Hollister / Abercrombie / AE?
none

12. How do you make money?
Beauty Items I sell and no its not Avon

13. Where will you graduate from?
I graduated already

14. Are you outgoing?
Kinda.

15. Two words to describe you?
Loving and Caring

16. Do you like McDonaldS ?
Its okay

17. Do you own big sunglasses?
Um, NO

18. Do you sing in the shower?
Always

19. What should you be doing right now?
Whatever I want, but um maybe i should be sleeping

THE CANs:

Can you blow a bubble?
yes

Can you do a cart wheel?
no

Can you touch your toes?
yes

Can you whistle?
yes

Can you wiggle your ears?
nope

Can you roll your tongue?
Yes

THE DIDs:

Did you ever want to be a doctor?
Yeah

Did you ever want to be a firefighter?
nope

THE DOs:

Do you know how to swim?
yes

Do you like roller coasters?
never been on one

THE DOES:

Does hair loss run through your family?
Yes

Does your car get good gas mileage?
dont have a car

Does your family have family picnics?
Nope

THE HAVEs:

Have you ever been to the ocean?
Yes

Have you ever gone fishing?
Yes

THE HOWs:

How did you find out about Myspace?
A friend told me about it

How many of your friends on it have you seen?
all of them

How much money do you have on you right noW?
$40

THE LASTs:

Last person you hung out with?
Jill my friend and Neighbour

Last thing you said out loud?
Have a good night Rich

Last thing someone said to you?
see you later Tina

THE WHATs:

What is the temperature outside?
lil muggy

What was the last restaurant you ate at?
Hometown Buffet

What was the last thing you bought?
Food

Can't Sleep, Blah!

Well It's Sunday Night err well.. Monday Morning!
It's almost 4am...
I can't sleep.
I was having lag issues in City Of Heroes again! Today... all the times Id log in, it really sucked! Cause I wanted to play!
Well last night (Saturday) My neighbour Jill came over and we sat back and had a few drinks, It was fun just to hang out and chat!
Joel was at work and we where hanging out chatting about girl stuff :)
After she left I hopped in game to play and hang out with my best friend <3
It was a pretty great night until I got tired, didn't wanna sleep but I had to cause I had to call work at noon to see if they needed me!
They didn't so... I ended up cleaning for like 3hrs.
I then had lunch then relaxed a bit and then took a nap.
Woke up and tried to play some City Of Heroes.
BUT!
I been having these lag issues today and it was/is making me so mad!
I wanna play my game :(
Usually if I reset my modem and stuff Im okay but this time it didn't work!
Ahh well Ill fight with it tomorrow sometime after work or something, I hope I can get it to work cause I really wanna play! I wanna get Snow and her partner up a few lvls before we duo our next tf goal.
We duo'd Moonfire, Posi, Synapse, and Sister Py so far.
Next is Citadel
We can do it!
I just need to get rid of this lag!
Anyways....
I still need that vacation =P
I got some money saved up but thats for other stuff
Like getting my kitty Salem fixed, Scyko is fixed now.
Well I am gonna try and get some sleep now...
Thx for reading my ramble post, gotta love reading blogs when the blogger is half asleep and half awake but they can't sleep eh :)

Goodnite

Y Noire Y

Be - Jessica Simpson

Lately I find I'm caught up in these thoughts
How will you come to me
How will we connect these hearts
Are you somewhere near
Hidden like a four-leaf clover
Are you miles away
Are we getting any closer
Are we getting any closer

I already see us moving mountains
I already see us walk in water
I already see the clouds we're flying
Over and under
I can really see us having babies
Walking through the park and being lazy
I already see myself falling in love eternally
And I think that's just the way it's gonna be
And I think that's just the way it's gonna be

I already see us moving mountains
And I think that's just the way it's gonna be
I already see us walk in water
And I think that's just the way it's gonna be

Being with you
Is a like a scene from a dream in heaven
I feel you running through
All my senses
Will you taste like rain
Can I breathe you like air
Will I lose myself in your arms somewhere

I already see us moving mountains
I already see us walk in water
I already see the clouds we're flying
Over and under
I can really see us having babies
Walking through the park and being lazy
I already see myself falling in love eternally
And I think that's just the way it's gonna be
I think that's just the way it's gonna be

And I know and I know and I know
Love can move a mountain
And I know and I know
It's gonna be even better than I imagined
Putting all my trust in you
Putting all my trust in you
We'll make this dream come true

I can really see us having babies
Walking through the park and being lazy
I already see myself falling in love eternally
And I think that's just the way it's gonna be
And I think that's just the way it's gonna be

I already see us moving mountains
The way it's gonna be
I already see us walk in water
The way it's gonna be
I can really see us having babies
The way it's gonna be
I already see myself falling in love
Meant to be
I already see us moving mountains
The way it's gonna be
I already see us walk in water
To me
The way it's gonna be
I can really see us having babies
The way it's gonna be

Today . . . .

Today Is almost over, it's the 25th of May.
Wow, where did the time go?
Today was a alright day, pretty busy at work.
The holiday weekend and stuff :)
Unfort I work Saturday and Monday and a maybe on Sunday. But I can't see them needing me then cause there is like 3-4 ppl already sceduled.
I am sure they will be ok :)

I so need a vacation!
I want to go to AZ to visit and meet all my friends, Id so LOVE to go for the 3rd of June cause thats when they are having the AZ meet up for CoH.
I so want alot of stuff right now!
But I can't have them right now and it hurts :(
Well this is gonna be a short post, I need to get some sleep before 3am cause I am gonna get up then and play some CoH.
Hm.. not sure what else to write but I am still nervious and scared about the future a wee bit, I wanna know whats gonna happen and stuff.
That is normal though isn't it?
heh..
Well nap time, write more another time
Take care everyone :)

*hugs*

~Noire

Feelings & Updates ....

Well It's now May 24th, couple days pasted since my last blog update.
Yesterday I was really emotional I dunno why but It made me really scared of what is gonna happen in my future but I had a really good friend of mine sit with me and chat with me all day and tell me I am gonna be okay and you know I believe him because he has taken amazing care of me for quite awhile and been there for me. Even in the months we didn't talk he was still there for me :)
I know where my place is now and I want to be there so bad! Yes AZ! I wanna go visit right now! lol.
Well this is gonna be a short post, I wanna get soem stuff done before I have to go to work so Ill probably post more later :)

~Noire

Added:

Oh and this weekend sometime hoping to go to the mother in laws for a BBQ or something, see how that goes :) She called this morning and invited us over on a day I am not workin and stuff.

Ill explain feelings later =P

Not Sure What To Post But Here Goes Nothing ....

Well it's been almost a month of me going back to work more.
It's been nice to get everything I need without getting a eye roll.
Now that I have my own moneys, it's pretty nice.
I still need to get Salem fixed and some flea stuffs, oh and some more dye for my hair, its growing out again. Looks like frap.
Anyways...
I was actually looking forward to D&D today, because I was told it was changed to Monday nights. Well I guess it wasn't, pissed me off too.
Joel went to his friends to play this morning, I woke up house was quiet, a bit to quiet.
Yeah so sue me I got worried, but anyways!
I found out where he was and all is good but again PISSED cause I wanted to play too.
Well today is another day off I hope it goes ALOT better then Thursday & Friday of last week, omg I wanted to go beat things up I was so frustrated last time.
I so needed a punching bag!
I am so glad those days are over with though.
Another week is here and more very busy days ahead.
Work is one, cleaning up and moving stuff around is another.
As much as I don't want to go back to work as much as I do, I know I have too.
This point there is no choice because of all the crazy stuff going on and yeah I do need stuff, I miss being at home and taking care of it because nothing gets done still until I do it, very frustrating!
Note I said NEED, I mean yeah there is stuff I want... games, going on a vacation to AZ or other places to visit people. BUT I gotta get the needs outta the way first, and the stuff that HAS to be done.
Some days I just wanna crawl into a corner and not come out cause its so stressful and I am so feeling it health wise. I know I don't say anything but yeah, my stomach is in constant knots and I have a headache that just wont go away sometimes. With that time of the month, heh I wont go there but I am always emotional during this time. Ask anyone that does know that lol.
Like now!


I just wish I knew where my life is headed, I have so many hopes and dreams I want to come true, I want them to come true so bad it makes me cry sometimes.
I just want to be happy and safe and loved and cared for, for who I am, be happy!

Also when I do things for people they will actually say Thank you!
I also just want someone I can love for who they are and they will/can love me back for who I am too. Someone I can hang out with and have fun with and they will want to do the same, we can also go out and hang out and have a good time just the two of us. Just let me be me and I will let them be them. I am not very big being a people person a night a home cuddled up on the couch will do just fine watching a movie or headed to play a game and just relax.

I don't really need/want many things when it comes to stuff, I mean I have the game I play City Of Heroes/Villains. That makes me quite happy cause I do have alot of friends there and yeah sure Id LOVE to meet them all one day, that could very well happen soon enough I'm sure. Sure I would love to go to a movie or something but I have no one to go with presently.

Hmm I dunno what else to write, I am rambling, I am still partly asleep too so heh okay, I'm done for now.

~Noire

A Small Rant

I am posting a small rant
I am getting so tired of this
VERY TIRED!
I have suppose to be 2 friends back home I been friends with since high school
Late last year I got a MSG from one
Msg'd her back
Tried calling... no answer
Finally got in touch with her
Talked for about a hour
Next day msg'd her
Nothing back for a few months
Then outta the blue I get a msg, msg back
Took about a week but FINALLY get one back
Then again not for sometime
So I tried calling for a bit...
Called like 6 times one night...
Cause she told me.. call a few times cause i might be sleeping or not reckon the number so i know its you or something so i did that... few nights same thing...
I finally said you know what... SCREW IT!
I then get a msg on myspace come feb i think... I msg back
nothing still nothing so you know what I am done I'm tired of trying cause I am the only one that seems to do so anymore, I am tried of anything and everything being one sided
If its not these so called friends then its other people I used to talk too from back home. I need to go where I know I will be accepted and loved by many for who I am, and i do know where that is....
I know who my TRUE friends are though and I thank every single one of them!
I mean this one so called friend of mine... I seen her post on myspace last nite but she didn't say SHIT to me! So you know what SCREW IT! I am tired...
I actually had gifts I was thinking of sending back home for them but I am so tired of doing things for people and getting crapped on in the end.
I threw a bday party for a friend for her 19th... $350 bucks later.... Our friendship and other bunches of BS come flying out.... Christmas time a few years back... bought gifts did a party... another $800 bucks later.... done... so I am done doing things for people that don't keep in touch or say thank you ...
Or when I leave people msgs and they don't msg back but they check there msgs on a pretty good daily bases! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! or come on IM and don't msg oh no that would break a nail... err finger or something, I went to msg but before I could even get a msg off they sign out >_> <_<
Again I know who my true friends are and I love you guys! and Id do anything for them!
Thank you all for being my friends, you know who u are!

*HUGS*

I know this is harsh and I am sorry but I am so tired of being tossed around and stuff like a wet towel... I just hope these 2 so called "friends" realize how I feel. . . all I can say right now to them is .... I wont even go there .... xD

Sunshine & Love - Jessica Andrew's

If I had a zillion dollars and the whole
world on a string
Diamonds in my pockets and the power of a king
I don’t think I’d be any happier than I am right now
‘Cause money’s only paper, It might buy a lot of stuff
But if money’s what your chasing
You won’t ever have enough
‘Cause the best things in life
Might not be free but they sure are cheap

Like sunshine, blue skies and the river on
a hot hot day
Moonlight and a good fight, standing out
In the pouring rain
So many things that money buys
But really nothing I can find
Like sunshine and love

There is something about the moment
When two hemispheres collide
And someone opens up their world and lets
You see inside
And you realize that everything that you’ve
been waiting for
For your whole life is standing right there
There ain’t nothing like love

Like sunshine, blue skies and the river on
a hot hot day
Moonlight and a good fight, standing out
In the pouring rain
So many things that money buys
But really nothing I can find
Like sunshine and love

And sunshine, blue skies and the river on a
Hot hot day
Moonlight and a good fight standing out
In the pouring rain

Like sunshine, blue skies and the river on
a hot hot day
Moonlight and a good fight, standing out
In the pouring rain
So many things that money buys
But really nothing I can find
Like sunshine and love

Few Updates!

Well on Sunday I went to Comicon!
First one ever!
Yes I am a noob!
It was great fun!
I got to meet Jim Lee and a bunch of other fokes!
I got a ton of comics too!

Hm.. what else...

Oh Issue 9 was released last week in City Of Heroes!

W00T!

Awesome stuff.... I guess inventions ... blah!

But Pyro Commander Did get some Tech Wings Today!
Thanks Onuris!





They look great!


As for the rl stuff with hubby, he said to me today he wants to work on this... finally after how many months of me just being the one thats wanted to work on things.

I just don't know I mean I made up my mind already . . .

I just wanna be safe and happy ....

Blah anyways I will finish this later, writing this half asleep!

Nite!

What's Left Of Me . . .

Watch my life pass me by
in the review mirror
Pictures frozen in time
are becoming clearer
I don't wanna waste another day stuck in the
shadow of my mistakes
yeah


'cause I want you
and I feel you
crawling underneath my skin,
like a hunger
like a burning
to find the place I've never been
now I'm broken
and I'm fading
I'm half the man I thought I would be
But you can have
What's left of me

I've been dying inside
Little by little
Nowhere to go
But goin' out of my mind
In endless circles
runnin' from myself until
You gave me a reason for standing still

And I want you
and I feel you
crawling underneath my skin
like a hunger
like a burning
to find the place I've never been
now I'm broken
and I'm fading
I'm half the man I thought I would be
But you can have
What's left of me

Falling faster
Barely breathing
Give me something to believe in
Tell me it's not all in my head

Take what's left of this man
Make me whole once again

'cause I want you
and I feel you
crawling underneath my skin
like a hunger
like a burning
to find the place I've never been
now I'm broken
and I'm fading
I'm half the man I thought I would be
You can have
All that's left
Yeah, yeah, yeah
What's left of me

I've been dying inside you see
I'm going out of my mind
Out of my mind
I'm just runnin' in circles all the time
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left
Of me
Just runnin' in circles in my mind
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left
Will you take what's left of me
Take what's left of me

Let Me Be Your Butterfly! ^_^

I've been searching for a man
All across Japan
Just to find, to find my samurai
Someone who is strong
But still a little shy
Yes I need, I need my samurai

Ay, ay, ay,
I'm your little butterfly
Green, black and blue,
Make the colours in the sky
Ay, ay, ay, I'm your little butterfly
Green, black and blue,
Make the colours in the sky

I've been searching in the woods
And high upon the hills
Just to find, to find my samurai
Someone who won't regret
To keep me in his net
Yes I need, I need my samurai

Ay, ay, ay,
I'm your little butterfly
Green, black and blue,
Make the colours in the sky
Ay, ay, ay, I'm your little butterfly
Green, black and blue,
Make the colours in the sky

Where's my samurai ?

Where's my samurai ?

A Broken Wing . . .

She loved him like he was
The last man on Earth
Gave him everything she ever had
He'd break her spirit down
Then come lovin' up on her
Give a little then take it back

She'd tell him about her dreams
He'd just shoot 'em down
Lord he loved to make her cry
You're crazy for believin'
You'll ever leave the ground
He said Only angels know how to fly

And with a broken wing
She still sings
She keeps an eye on the sky
With a broken wing
She carries her dreams
Man you ought to see her fly

One Sunday morning
She didn't go to church
He wondered why she didn't leave
He went up to the bedroom
Found a note by the window
With the curtains blowin' in the breeze

And with a broken wing
She still sings
She keeps an eye on the sky
With a broken wing
She carries her dreams
Man you ought to see her fly

With a broken wing
She carries her dreams
Man you ought to see her fly

All I Want In Life . . . .

All I ever wanted and still want in life is someone who will accept me for who I am, take care of me make me feel comfortable, feel safe, love me for who I am, be happy... also let me do the same for them in return, and much more. I am such a girl, I know.

I am not a girl that thinks money will make me happy, I don't like makeup but I will wear it because of the job I do, I am not the type of girl that wants to go get my nails done every week or have my hair done every month.... or need the high expensive clothes to look good. I'm comfortable in a pair of pj pants and a t-shirt. I cut my own hair and dye my own hair. Once in a blue moon I will go get it trimmed by a professional just cause.

My dream is to be a stay at home mom, work part time if need be. I love to stay home and take care of the house, cook and take care of the person I am with. Yeah I know I am old fashioned so what. hehe.

I am also a very emotional person, sometimes more then normal. I cry at love story based movies for pete sakes. I love to cook, I want to finish my cookbook one day.

Blah... let me finish this another time, stay tuned!

Updates, Life, Everything!

Well today is Thursday, May 3rd.
Allots been happening in the past few months, I couldn't post I didn't wanna post about, just because of all the drama.
I am still not going to post EVERYTHING.
But just somethings.
Like stuff that been going on in the past month or so.
Couple months ago I get a IM from my cuz, telling me grandma was sick, she was rushed to the hospital. Turns out she has leukemia, they will not tell her or treat her for it.
This put a knife in my heart.
They said the reason why is because it isn't bad right now, they feel with her age (91) that she will pass of old age first before the leukemia has a chance to do anything.
Okay so maybe there right who knows!
Things been falling apart for me for awhile now
I been a emotional mess, to the point where i just see like tunnel vision.
I think of others before I think of myself, Ive always been that way.
My husband and I been having our problems too, things are not what they used to be. It's really hard because I did have my hopes for a great marriage.
I have been trying my best to keep things together, we did the marriage counselling and well there is just so much drama there.
I rather not talk about that.
ANYWAYS!
Couple weeks ago I get a IM from my cuz who hasn't talked to me in MONTHS!
My aunt passed away....
Okay last time i felt this bad is when I found out about my other aunt the past away a few years back from my ex-boyfriends MOTHER. Not family ....
Sure its great they told me this time but... A DAY BEFORE THE FUNERAL!
That makes me so mad, I didn't even know she was sick!
Again this is where the tunnel vision comes in.
My husband asked me on his birthday... you wanna work on this?
I mean... what is there to seriously work on?
I been trying for months and he hasn't even came to me or anything to try!
He's been working and sleeping
Sure I'm not perfect far from it!
I needed time to think after everything that's been going on.
He thinks the perfect husband is working.... thats great!
I mean I do live a pretty good life... I work Part time, Take care of the house etc... I love that! But..... When I needed the love and support from him I wasn't getting it.
Sure workings great I love being home.. but where is the emotional and passion and support and all that stuff? I was getting more of that from my online friends and friends from City Of Heroes/Villains then I was him... All I aksed for and wanted was time to think.
He took that as a NO he told me a few days ago when we had a talk.
Then after the talk he pulls out a number of ONE of the girls hes been talking to for the past few weeks... So he says!
*smacks head on desk*
Okay......
Sure I will amit that fucking hurt!
To top it off 2 weeks ago is when I found out about my aunt!
That pisses me off that he says sorry and *hugs* and that's all i get!
I mean shit honestly... that does make me mad!
Sad too!
Hurt YES!
Everyone I talk to keeps telling me .... GET OUT!
Sure easy for you to say!
Kinda hard when I do have a bunch of things in the way and stuff I NEED & HAVE to do!
Don't get me wrong I do still care after everything that's happened, I do still love him but I don't see a future.. We both need help and hes not willing, I am getting the help I need and trying to continue with it.
Also this past Sunday there was a shooting at my work .....
I totally freaked when I heard this!
I was suppose to go to work that day!
But they didn't need me.
Everyone is okay at my work but 3 people died :'(
What is going on with the world today!
Sometimes I just don't know anymore!
But I do know something !!
I have a true best friend!
I love him for putting up with me and accepting me for me!!
Even after the months of not speaking, he forgave me!
Because he understands : )
I am sure life is gonna work out for the best, I just need time.
I need the help I need and I have a feeling its gonna be okay!
There is more to the story on what happened and all but I wont post that.
That is something that is pretty private
Anyways time to eat, need to so I don't get sick : )

Anime Hair Color

What's your Anime Hair Colour?(GIRLS ONLY)(BEAUTIFUL ANIME PICS)

Anime Hair Colour:Purple
Personality:Your calm yet adventurous!Your pretty smart,but not geniues smart.You are also a great friend!
Element:Music,Cosmic
Perfect Man:Some one friendly,who likes to read and has a soft spot for baby animals.Or someone funny with brains.

Take this quiz!

Just A Lil Bit!

And it hurts me, 'cause I care and I'm telling you why
I'm unhappy so if you love me
A little bit is not that much to ask to make things right
Oh yeah, oh yeah, a little bit goes a long, long way

I Belong To Me

Oh yeah

It's not that I don't wanna share my life with you baby
It's just that I'm the one I need to be true to baby
And I won't give up me to be part of you

It's not that I don't want to have you in my life baby
it's just you gotta know that its got to be right baby
Before I open up my heart to you

I don't need somebody to complete me
I complete myself
Nobody has got to belong to somebody else

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
My heart is my possession
I'll be my own reflection
I belong to me
I'm one not half of two
And if you're gonna love me
You should know this baby
I belong to me

I gotta let you know before I let you in baby
That who I am is not about who I am with baby
That don't mean I don't wanna be here with you
I do

I don't need somebody to complete me
I want you to know
I give all my love but I'm not givin' all my soul

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
My heart is my possession
I'll be my own reflection
I belong to me
I'm one not half of two
And if you're gonna love me
You should know this baby
I belong to me

Oh yeah

Love don't mean changing who you are to be
Who somebody wants you to be
Nobody has got to belong to nobody

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
My heart is my possession
I'll be my own reflection

I belong to me
I don't belong to you
My heart is my possession
I'll be my own reflection

I belong to me
I'm one not half of two,
And if your gonna love me
You should know this baby
I belong to me

How Do I Make You Feel?

Create your own Mood-Meter

Updates & Stuff

Well another day
I started getting more hours at work
I need to get Salem fixed, flea meds, Hair dye and other needs ... I need, you get the idea.
Nothing new really same shit another day just working more hours, getting more and more tired. I do really miss being at home.
But I have my reasons.
I just hope I can last.
Last time I was working so much I got really depressed to the point of crying everyday because I was so tired and didn't wanna go to work.
After so long I get like that, don't know why probably because it's something I don't want to do, I want to be at home taking care of the house and the people I love and care about.
I don't mind working part time though.
Gah!
I gotta do this, I just need/want some help encouragement maybe I dunno.
Okay so this blog sucks
..............
anyways, city of heroes/villains time

What Kinda Post Is This??

Who knows, honestly.
I have been feeling like crap all freaken week
I guess I am wanting to vent or something
Sunday started out a good day, I didn't have to work which was great!
I sat back and relaxed with some City Of Heroes/Villians, worked on my bottoms up super group with a bunch of friends.
Monday rolled around D&D day with hubby and friends, I went to bed pretty earily Sunday night but I still couldn't get up in time for D&D.
I woke up when everyone was leaving, at this point to me it was like meh whatever. I just didn't care at this point I was still tired. I slept for over 10 hrs and I was STILL tired.
After my husband left to drop off his co-wroker I sat here for a bit then jumped into City Of Heroes again. Yeah so freaken what I play to much, bite me!
It's one of the few things thats making me happy right now, I have people that make me happy right now too, so thats a good thing too but hey it's life.
Anyways, I started and got a good team going then hubby comes home and says hes gonna go watch some tv and go to bed. That's fine he was up for almost 24 hrs he needs his rest, Ill continue playing City Of Heroes.
Just then after he goes I get a Intant Message from my cuz, my aunt passed away...
WTF!?
I didn't even know she was sick!
For the past 5 years none the less and no one told me!?
I find out a day before the furneral!
That is going to do me so much freaken good now!
If I didn't owe money on taxes I so would of went back home!
Samething happend when my aunt Joyce died, I found out a couple days before the furneral from my ex-boyfriends mom who happen to be reading the paper and called to see if I knew a Joyce. My family didn't tell me yet again! >_<
So anyways my cuz says, my parents are going to tell Grandma & Grandpa right now, they don't know yet... I ask so nice PLEASE! KEEP ME INFORMED ON HOW THEY TAKE IT!
Its been 4 days now, have I heard anything ...... NO OF COURSE NOT!
Yeah yeah your probably thinking... call... yeah OK sure its that freaking easy!
Not when I don't have a phone card and can't get out to get one just yet.
Not until I go to work tomorrow!
But anyways again...
Hubby asked me what was wrong, I replied with nothing..
I was sitting here looking at my aunt's obituary, he comes over and sees it and says I'm sorry honey and hugs me. Yeah OK thanks but I just wanna be alone.
Like I have been.
Alone!
Been doing my own thing as I have been doing.
Well Tuesday rolls around same shit another day, wake up, play city of heroes until I go to bed. Well in between house work but for the past few days i haven't' done much because I been feeling so depressed with my aunts passing and not being able to be there, Sue me for not going and doing housework!
I actually did 2 loads of laundry yesterday and the dishes that's all I felt like doing.
I don't even feel like doing anything tonight
I logged outta game and took a shower, I still feel shitty
Then to top it off that shooting this week, WTF is wrong with people!
Anyways, I'm going to talk to some friends, then go to bed.
I have to work tomorrow
As much as I don't want to because I am not in the mood to deal with people, I have to cause I know if I don't I'll get complained at or something with the words....


You only work 1-2 days a week and you can't even do that!?


Yeah okay, tell that to someone that just had a family member that died and isn't able to be there. I am trying to cope with it but it's so hard right now.

I need another cry moment, thanks for reading my rant post.

<3 Name That Tune ^_^

All My Life
I Prayed For Someone Like You
And I Thank God
That I..That I Finally Found You
All My Life
I Prayed For Someone Like You
And I Hope That You Feel The Same Way Too
Yes, I Pray That You Do Love Me Too

I'd Send You All That I'm Thinking Of........Baby

Said I Promise To Never Fall In Love With A Stranger
You're All I'm Thinking Of
I Praise The Lord Above
For Sending Me Your Love
I Cherish Every Hug
I Really Love You

RIP Aunt Shirley :(

I just got news yesterday from my cuz that my Aunt Shirley passed away.
Again I didn't know she was sick, the same thing happened when my Aunt Joyce passed away, I didn't even know she was sick.
With Aunt Joyce I found out from my ex boyfriends mom, at least family told me this time yes but it would of been nice to know my Aunt Shirley was sick for the past 5 years. I could of least went to visit her or something.
What sucks even more is I would LOVE to go back home for a visit right now, my cuz told me about Grandma being sick a couple months ago with Leukemia. Thing is with her age (91) they wont treat her or tell her about it. Which I can kinda understand. The doc's also believe that she will pass of old age before it takes full effect over her body.
Yesterday I was sitting here crying, wondering if my life could get any worse. Lately between everything it just gets more and more... just makes me wanna scream you know?
Well as I been told by many life will be looking up soon and I have my hopes and dreams that they will, I also have my beliefs they will. I been just so tired and not happy lately. Only thing that makes me happy at this point is playing City Of Heroes/Villains and talking with friends and doing my own thing. Work has been fun lately but meh its work.
Anyways I just had to vent a bit get things out, I know there is more but I'll leave that tucked away, I hope everyone is having a great day!

Ding! Athena Storm Hits 50!

Well On Friday The 13th Athena Storm Hit 50!
Special Thanks to All my friends that made this possible!

<3

This will be my second 50!
I Hope to have more soon, and maybe a second account!
We will see!

Emotions

Well it's Thursday night, just sitting here chatting with my best friend and trying to keep warm. Right now just feeling so emotional. I am so tired of the way my life is right now, don't get me wrong I love being at home alot and taking care of the house it's just the feelings to the people that are around me are not there. I just want to be left alone. I mean feelings are there to some but to others it feels just "meh" to me.

I want to go somewhere warm, I want to visit friends and family. Heck I dunno part of me wants a family but this isn't the time for that. I just want someone to hold me and tell me I'll be fine, that things are gonna be alright. I get those words from my friends daily over the computer and it's wonderful but... I just want someone to say it to me face to face and do that. Maybe I am to old fashioned I don't know.

I have so many things going though my mind right now, 95% of them I cant' blog because it wouldn't be fair right now to some.

... since my emotions are everywhere so is this blog >_<