Give Up... Or Not....

Today has been funny, some days I just get so frustrated when it comes to this diet and weight loss thing, one day I jump on the scale Ive lose a pound, next day its back or sometimes 2 are back. Next day after they are gone, wtf is up with that? Seriously.... can the weight STAY OFF and can I please PLEASE LOSE MORE! .... or other times I am stuck on a crap ass plateau that wont go away... It's very frustrating!

I stick to my diet to a T 99.9% of the time that .01 % was the times like... I found out my friend died I had pizza and potato salad (Not all at once, that was over 3 days) when I was on my last plateau I had crab Rangoon but I baked it not deep fried and it was homemade and surprising after that I dropped 2lbs... They say, "If your on a Plateau eat filling foods like grains and fruits" Ya sure easy for you to say only time I can eat that is before my workout and even then I don't want to touch the grain stuff cause I am scared of gaining the weight back. Fruit though is easy but only having it before my workout has been a challenge cause I LOVE FRUIT! I make smoothies with fresh fruit and sometimes yogurt before my workout too LOVE THEM!

After my workout its all about eggs, cheese (which I am getting sick of makes me sick to my stomach anymore) and meats (which I LOVE!) and veggies ...... salads yup good to go there I could eat those all the time too. Just have to watch the ones I eat. Usually green veggies are lower in carbs then anything.

Drink wise I drink green tea and alot of it, 2L of it or more a day, I bought so much of it to begin with. Crystal light I have tons too, sometimes Ill mix the lemonade with the green tea when my sweet tooth hits cause I don't put any sugar or splenda in the tea to start with.

Reason I am typing this blog/note is I need to rant and get my frustrating thoughts out.

I really wish I did have a workout buddy, Ive asked hubby to join me for a walk outside on weekends but he doesn't want too, during the week I can understand cause he is working. But just a hour walk on weekends would be awesome or join me for a round on the Biggest Loser DVDs.... I mean my friend Jen wont be back til Aug, Jill next door is leaving town soon because she is getting married, Mandy lives 30Min's away, other friends are not close by, or have jobs and work alot. Some days I just can't do it myself, I have awesome support from online friends and I love it and I love them!

Some days I do wanna go for a walk but I get paranoid going alone, I hate being by myself plus ya sometimes I worry what others think etc, Ive always been like that.

I think I know what I need to do seriously... I need to get hubby on the same diet as me, I will make him sweets and goodies every now and then but seriously some days when hes eating pretzels or pasta or rice or cookies (WITH CHOCOLATE - my weakness) or all the good stuff YA I GET JEALOUS AS HELL! I will amit that lol. Seriously! Sometimes I wanna cry cause I want a cookie or a piece of chocolate, I have the willpower I do but when it comes to that time of the month, I usually sometimes don't.... 5% of the time I don't!

I just really want to get this weight off, can I get liposuction please, kidding but I seriously wish sometimes, I do need a breast lift my girls give me back issues expecally when working out, hurts to run and kills my back. I don't know how things work here in the US but I know when I lived back home in Canada if they are giving you problems they do the surgery's for free, couple of my friends are having it done or going to get it done. Should ask my doctor maybe there is something here in the US I don't know about.

I know I know if some of my guy friends are reading this TMI eh, sorry but I need to get this out. Forgive me! lol.

I know I been doing well on this diet, I just hope my insulin levels are coming down. I am glad and happy I am not diabetic! It will be 3 months on the 21st and so far I have lost 27lbs and 10-12 inches on my waist. Which is great I know that but I guess I just want things to go faster. I am not hungry all the time like I used to be which is great, not as tired even more great, tons of energy ... awesome. Just some days I feel like I wanna scream! I want to have someone I can talk to all the time sure I can email my doctor but I feel like if I do everyday, she's gonna think I am nuts. She probably wont but still it's the way I feel I know she is busy and I don't want to bug her all the time, you know? I know she's probably going to read this too since I am connected to her though FB, which is fine. :) I know i need to stop jumping on the scale everyday too, that's another problem. I am so obsessed with losing weight too, I really want one of those body bug armbands but I don't have $250-300 laying around not yet and I don't want to spend that much!

I think I am done ranting for now, I need to figure out dinner, maybe play some Final Fantasy X while waiting for hubby to get home from work..... 2.5 hrs from now.... If I need to rant more I will be back! =)

Thanks for listening/reading for those of you who are doing so :)


Food Diary - June 17th 2009

Breakfast:
1 glass of green tea, 2 hard boiled eggs

Activity: housework - dishes & laundry and other stuff

Snack: beef jerky - 1 carb

Lunch: Green tea, ceaser salad with fresh parm cheese, mashed cauliflower with cheese (6 carbs total)

Snack: Salt & Viniger almonds (2 carbs) - these are what made me sick, some reason alomonds make me sick anymore...

Supper: Taco wonton wraps, bad I know... not sure on carbs though... 2 chocolate chip cookies for dessert, bad I know but I needed something to absorb the sick feeling and I didn't want crackers.....

Total Carbs for the day: Looks like over 20ish, not by much I don't think...
Current weight: 223

Goal Weight: 145lbs, 78lbs to go!!!!

So far in 11 weeks I have lost 27lbs and 12inches total ..... and I seriously really hope my body isn't teasing me cause I don't want to be on a plateau again!!