The Sensual Vampire
What type of vampire are you?
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Sunday, October 23, 2005
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Now This Is Bad (It's A Joke)
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely
burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her
body because she was too skinny.
So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on
his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin
came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret.
After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new
beauty.
She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and
relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at
his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did
for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your
mother kiss you on the cheek."
burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her
body because she was too skinny.
So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on
his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin
came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret.
After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new
beauty.
She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and
relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at
his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did
for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your
mother kiss you on the cheek."
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Job Description For Being A Mom!
This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, none of us would have done it!!!
POSITION: Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on
rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and
mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an
embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared f or the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually
exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
POSITION: Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on
rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and
mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an
embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared f or the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually
exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Annual Senior Citizen Test! Take It!
"It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test."
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert The saying; "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain, so... Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.
So, take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still "with it." The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you have made your answer.
OK, relax, clear your mind and ... begin.
WELL MAYBE NOT THAT CLEAR!
1. What do you put in a toaster?
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Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk."
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>> > What do cows drink?
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Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over-stressed and may even over-heat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as Children's World.If you said "water" then proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a yellow house is made from yellow bricks, what is a green house made from?
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Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks." What the devil are you still doing here reading these questions? However,if you said "glass," then go on to Question 4.
4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany.If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.)Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure.Unfortunately the last engine fails before he has time and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany.Where would you bury the survivors, East Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?
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Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors.
If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated.If you said, "Don't bury the survivors", then proceed to the next question.
5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus.In Reading,six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon,two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on In Carmathen,six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven.What was the name of the bus driver?
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Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Can't you even remember your own name? It was YOU driving the bus!
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert The saying; "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain, so... Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.
So, take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still "with it." The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you have made your answer.
OK, relax, clear your mind and ... begin.
WELL MAYBE NOT THAT CLEAR!
1. What do you put in a toaster?
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk."
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > What do cows drink?
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over-stressed and may even over-heat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as Children's World.If you said "water" then proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a yellow house is made from yellow bricks, what is a green house made from?
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
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Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks." What the devil are you still doing here reading these questions? However,if you said "glass," then go on to Question 4.
4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany.If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.)Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure.Unfortunately the last engine fails before he has time and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany.Where would you bury the survivors, East Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
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Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors.
If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated.If you said, "Don't bury the survivors", then proceed to the next question.
5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus.In Reading,six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon,two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on In Carmathen,six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven.What was the name of the bus driver?
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Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Can't you even remember your own name? It was YOU driving the bus!
Sunday, October 09, 2005
My Compatible Super Power!
Your power is: Extreme healing powers
Explanation: When injured your body
focuses on the wound and heals rapidly, within
a few seconds. This makes you pretty much hard
to kill and you can help people in danger using
yourself as a shield. Almost anything is
possible in combat but you prefer looking after
others. In bad purposes you can do the same as
above but for evil intentions.
This power fits you pretty good since you want
to help those around you, and when you are
pretty much unstopable, that's not an obsticle.
You are caring and nurturing and are more a
pascifist. Even if you know there are much
unfairness in the world you still chose to see
from a positive angle because you belive in the
good of this world. You are probably friendly
and have a soft spot for people who are not
accepted. Though to others you come of as naive
and gullible. You could be taken advantagde of
if the wrong person comes around. Even if you
could be seen as pure, you are not that
completely since you're human and make mistakes
too.
Negative aspects: If your naiveness has
been making you blind for too long you could go
into dark thinking.
What Power is Compatible With You? [beautiful anime pictures + 12 detailed results]
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Thursday, October 06, 2005
In Spanish Computer Class...
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
''House'' for instance, is feminine: ''la casa.''
''Pencil,'' however, is masculine: "el lapiz.''
A student asked, ''What gender is 'computer'?''
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether ''computer'' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender (''la computadora''), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (''el computador''), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
''House'' for instance, is feminine: ''la casa.''
''Pencil,'' however, is masculine: "el lapiz.''
A student asked, ''What gender is 'computer'?''
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether ''computer'' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender (''la computadora''), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (''el computador''), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Updates!
Wow its October already!
Where is the time going?
Well I just got done cleaning up a little bit, Joel is off for a couple days after today. I can't wait!
We are hosting a event tonight on City Of Heroes!
Scrappers vs Tankers
Joel and I are also coming up on our 8 month wedding annivsary this month.
We just gave our roomy his notice to move out because we will need his room for a kid.
No no, not pregnet yet don't worry =)
But we plan to try within sometime in the new year.
Joel's mom and I finished cleaning the living room and kitchen, still a bit of organizing but I will get around to it. Soon =)
I made a homemade apron on the sewing machine yesterday not quite done yet I gotta put the pockets on and I am thinking of putting a bow on either side of the neck piece I think it would look really cute, and if I get around to it maybe I will put a picture up.
I talked to Richard the other day he was online, asked how my baby Slayer was doing and Sabbath and him to of course. At first he was a jerk about it and said, " Sabby is dead, Slayer ran away, and I am in pain." I told him I was serious to cut it out, he said there all fine but I am in pain. So we just chatted for a few just talked about the cats then how he was and then World of Warcraft then that was about it. I hope he feels better soon. I hope soon we can go get Slayer I miss my buddy SO MUCH!
Well I will post more soon just thought I do a quick update.
Until next time....
Where is the time going?
Well I just got done cleaning up a little bit, Joel is off for a couple days after today. I can't wait!
We are hosting a event tonight on City Of Heroes!
Scrappers vs Tankers
Joel and I are also coming up on our 8 month wedding annivsary this month.
We just gave our roomy his notice to move out because we will need his room for a kid.
No no, not pregnet yet don't worry =)
But we plan to try within sometime in the new year.
Joel's mom and I finished cleaning the living room and kitchen, still a bit of organizing but I will get around to it. Soon =)
I made a homemade apron on the sewing machine yesterday not quite done yet I gotta put the pockets on and I am thinking of putting a bow on either side of the neck piece I think it would look really cute, and if I get around to it maybe I will put a picture up.
I talked to Richard the other day he was online, asked how my baby Slayer was doing and Sabbath and him to of course. At first he was a jerk about it and said, " Sabby is dead, Slayer ran away, and I am in pain." I told him I was serious to cut it out, he said there all fine but I am in pain. So we just chatted for a few just talked about the cats then how he was and then World of Warcraft then that was about it. I hope he feels better soon. I hope soon we can go get Slayer I miss my buddy SO MUCH!
Well I will post more soon just thought I do a quick update.
Until next time....
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