Sunday, December 26, 2010

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Sunday, November 28, 2010

RIP Leslie Nielsen

Canadian actor-comedian Leslie Nielsen, who went from drama to inspired bumbling as a hapless doctor in Airplane! and the accident-prone Det. Frank Drebin in the Naked Gun comedies, has died. He was 84.

His agent, John S. Kelly, said Nielsen died Sunday at a hospital near his home in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., where he was being treated for pneumonia.

Nielson, who was born in Regina, went to Hollywood in the mid-1950s after performing in 150 live television dramas in New York. With a craggily handsome face, blond hair and 6-foot-2 height, he seemed ideal for a movie leading man.

He quickly became known as a serious actor, although behind the camera he was a prankster. That was an aspect of his personality never exploited, however, until Airplane! was released in 1980 and became a huge hit.


Thursday, November 25, 2010


Here is a little something to make you giggle : )
Thanks to my friend Eric for sending this!

One year at Thanksgiving, a woman went to her
daughter's house for the traditional feast. Knowing
how gullible her daughter is, she decided to
play a trick. She told her daughter that she needed
something from the store.

When her daughter left, her mom took the turkey out of
the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish game hen,
and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the
turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.

When it was time for dinner, her daughter pulled the
turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the
stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something,
she reached in and pulled out the little bird.

With a look of total shock on her face, her mother
exclaimed, "Sweetheart, you've cooked a pregnant
bird!" At the reality of this horrifying news,
her daughter started to cry.

It took the family two hours to convince her that
turkeys lay eggs!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Eating Healthy

As of late I been cooking and eating more healthy for over a year now, it started because my health started to take a plummet due to being over weight, I had my first doctor miss diagnose me. Which was epic fail, I started to feel bad for my big portions or as hubby calls them "Canadian portions" lol.

I never used to be fat, I used to be into sports and running around non stop, 110-135lbs just having the time of my life. Then I picked up a bad habit of smoking when I was 11, yes 11 bad I know. But I quit when I was 18, problem was thats where my junk food and fast food addiction started taking place, I never seen myself getting bigger cause everyone around me was bigger. Even after I got married I never thought anything of it, til March 26th 2009. That's when I got misdiagnosed that's when my health got worse, sure I was losing weight but it got worse cause the doctor had me on a unlimited meat, egg, cheese diet with 20 carbs a day from veggies only, no fruit, no whole grains nothing just what I listed. My cholesterol and blood pressure all went though the roof cause of her misdiagnoses.

But after hubby started his new job, the medical benefits are amazing & so thxful trust me, I got a second opinion and now im healthier then I ever was, they told me if I didn't stop that diet i would of been laying in a hospital bed at only 27 years old from a heart attack that was just last year! I started around 255lbs when I first went in to get weighed I probably weighed more then that, I am sure of it! ~ But now I am down to 180 something not sure exactly cause well my scale needs a new battery I weigh myself to much but hey you know what that's fine Ill wait til my doc appointment in January that's also when we hope to find out if everythings okay enough to start a family, we can't wait! Then I can probably get off all my meds too!

Thing that I worry about now is my hubby, due to my over portioning hes gained some weight, not much mind you but he weighs a bit more then I do and I feel as if it's my fault for his obesity, so reason I been feeding him what I eat whole grains, veggies, lean meats etc etc, is cause I don't want him to blow up in size and have my problems I had and we gotta start from square one and hes at the age now where I know hes going to be more lazy then normal, gotta be in shape exp if we wanna have kids running around! ~ That's why I am getting on track for him and our kids and most of all myself, I know his quitting smoking almost 2 years ago played a part too and I am very proud of him for quitting. ~ Reason I gained the weight I did was when I quit smoking.

Well I just hope hes happy with everything and I am doing the right thing, he says hes fine with everything I cook I just need to stick with what he likes and not experiment cause I have a habit of doing that lol. He always tells me to eat healthy if I wanna lose weight so I do so I make him what I eat so maybe it will help him as well. Plus he says you wanna lose you need to eat healthy so ya here I go yet again more healthy foods!

I just want us to be healthier and healthy parents for when we have kids and live a long life I mean whos gonna play D&D and bring out the comics to our grandkids, something we dream about =)

Anyways I gotta get going gonna go clean up and unpack the bedroom some more try to finish that today before my sissy Kim comes over


Thursday, November 11, 2010

Wishing everyone a safe Remembrance/Veteran's Day!!

Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918)
Canadian Army

In Flanders fields the poppies blow Between the crosses, row on row, That mark our place; and in the sky The larks, still bravely singing, fly Scarce heard amid the guns below. We are the Dead. Short days ago We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow, Loved and were loved, and now we lie In Flanders fields. Take up our quarrel with the foe: To you from failing hands we throw The torch; be yours to hold it high. If ye break faith with us who die We shall not sleep, though poppies grow In Flanders fields.

Friday, November 05, 2010

Sold/Bought/Moved in!

Well I haven't posted in awhile due to having the house on the market, good news it sold & we got pretty much what we asked for a made a profit, we moved into the new house we found & it was pretty dang cheap which was awesome now our monthly payments are even less but the roof, new furnace and other things need to be done to it but we have what we need to do it, thankfully!

But now the fun part..... unpacking!

We been here over a week now, it's a nice 3 bed 1 bath with the basement redone into 3 rooms also, cats are having a hay day doing laps lol

Well back to the unpacking!

Thursday, October 07, 2010


Friday, October 01, 2010

Heading to Spend Time With My Sis!

I loves my sisters so much, had some interesting convos with them tonight!
Off to hang with my Sis Kim, Yoey has to work tomorrow so yeah
Might spend the night too dunno yet, hubby is with Bruce anyways
Stressful months/times driving me crazy I need to get out before I explode

Friday, September 17, 2010

Fuck You Very Much!

So how I feel today!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Quick Update

We got a offer on the house looks like its gonna stick
that means we need to get a house and move etc by October 27th....
still not wanting to move myself
oh well.....
just hope Ill still be able to see my family/friends
when we move, i miss them as it is
so much crazy stuff been going on
can't wait til it calms down!
Everyones moving it seems right now!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

6 Signs That You've Made It To Middle Class

Not so long ago, most people viewed the hallmarks of success as something along the lines of a house, a white picket fence, two weeks vacation, two children and the ability to send those kids to college. Today, the middle class is a vanishing breed according to nearly every survey and statistic on the topic. Its disappearance is of such grave concern to the fabric of American society that the U.S. government launched a task force to explore the issue. Despite all of the attention to the subject, defining "middle class" remains a challenge, as everyone wants to be in the middle regardless of their income. Instead of focusing on the dollars, let's take a look at the lifestyle benchmarks that define middle class status.

Have You Made it to the Middle?
A wide variety of numbers have been thrown around in an effort to define the middle. People earning 20% of the average income and people earning 80% all claim to be part of the middle class. More than a few millionaires make the claim too. While there is no official financial standard, the middle class as defined by the government task force is characterized in terms of six financial aspirations, which we can view as benchmarks.

* Home Ownership (check)
Home ownership remains the American dream. The step up from renting to owning signifies prosperity and achievement. With median home prices ranges differing by so much in different cities across the United States, the ability to achieve this goal varies significantly by geographical location. Someone earning an income in the 50% range in Detroit may not be able to afford even a small house in Los Angeles.

* Automobile Ownership (check)
Owning an automobile provides freedom of movement and the luxury of avoiding the limited schedules and cramped quarters offered by mass transportation options such as buses and subways. Here again, the cost of cars varying widely, as does the kind of automobile required. For one driver, a used Hyundai will do the trick. For another, a new BMW signifies the achievement of this goal.

* A College Education for the Kids (no kids yet)
Helping children get ahead in life is a primary goal for middle class families. Paying for a college education for children can cost anywhere from the low tens of thousands of dollars to hundreds of thousands. Decisions about which university of college to attend can have a significant impact on the price tag.

* Retirement Security (kinda working on it)
Retirement is a goal nearly everyone wants to achieve. It demonstrates success and provides a reward for decades of hard work. Once again, definitions make a difference. The amount of gold required to support your golden years will vary significantly depending on whether you want a staff of 10 at your villa in the South of France or a townhouse in Peoria, Illinois.

* Health Care Coverage (check)
The ability to obtain healthcare is an important goal for middle class wager earners and their families. The high and rising cost of medical care and prescription drugs make healthcare coverage an ever-increasing need, as going without it can have serious negative financial implications in the event of a severe illness or injury.

* Family Vacation (check - usually went to Canada every year but now that my Grandparents are both gone, no point on going back, we plan on taking a trip to SD Comicon or something once the house sells or if we do go back to Canada it will be next fall for sure when a friend of ours is getting married since I am the maid of honor)
The family vacation is a middle class staple. Vacations demonstrate that a family has disposable income and has been successful enough to take time away from work to focus on leisure.

What Happened on the Way to the Dream?
Globalization and technological advances began to reverse the growth of the middle class. The manufacturing base in the United States changed, as good-paying jobs in factories and heavy industries went overseas to lower-paying markets and labor unions lost much of their ability to bargain for high wages and good benefits. Later, white-collar jobs from accounting and data entry to reading medical images and answering telephones in call centers were also sent offshore. Many jobs that remained in the U.S. were eliminated by computers and other technological advancements that increased productivity.

To achieve or maintain a middle-class lifestyle, many households became two-income families. Achieving middle class goals became more difficult as employers eliminated their pension plans and defined-benefit plans, the cost of a college education continued to rise and the cost of healthcare jumped. For most of the 20-year period following 1990, the Commerce Department reports that real median income grew at a rate of about 20%, while the cost of a college education grew between 43% and 60%, the cost of housing rose 56% and healthcare costs jumped by 155%.

How to Get There
Although there are significant challenges to obtaining middle class status, there are some proactive steps that can help make the dream a reality. Budgeting is one of the most obvious. Understanding where your money goes each month can help you determine the exact makeup of the benchmarks you are trying to match. Are you looking for a Hyundai or a BMW?

Planning is another crucial step. Are the kids going to a state university or a private college? Are scholarships an option? Some savvy families find money for college by participating in programs which can aide families with the costs related to sending a child to university.

Working is another one of the requirements. A second job or a side business might be just what you need to boost your income and achieve some of your goals. Putting your money to work is also an important consideration. Investing has helped build wealth for generations. In fact, income earners ranked in the top 1% enjoyed significant increases in wealth even as the middle class fell into decline. Most of that wealth came from investments. Even if you don't have the means to invest for current income, you can take a few dollars from each paycheck and save for your retirement.

The Bottom Line
Don't underestimate the role of hard work and luck. Sometimes being in the right place at the right time or taking one particular course of action over another can make all the difference. So keep watching for opportunities and make the most of them when you find them. As motion-picture mogul Samuel Goldwyn said, "The harder I work, the luckier I get."

I am thankful & truly blessed <3

Friday, August 27, 2010

Dear Grandma & Grandpa (aka Mom & Dad)

A friend of mine gave me a idea to write a letter to my Grandparents, Im gonna try to anyways and get what's on my mind off it.... so.... I go I guess..... I write this is also I need to get a few things off my chest, I been holding a lot in cause well some things shouldn't be said allowed but thing is the people I should be able to talk to about it, I can't, why? Cause I am just being silly about it..... so my friends my family please bare with me as I write my heart out of what's going on in my mind.

I really don't know where to start to be honest. All I know is I miss my grandparents A LOT to me they where more then Grandparents they where my parents I mean they raised me from the time I was born til I was 6 but even tho I didn't see them everyday or talk to them everyday after that I knew they where watching over me & keeping tabs on me to make sure I was happy & safe, though they knew when I wasn't happy & tried to give me advice or always had those kind words of wisdom I always needed when I needed it or when I didn't even need it they always knew when something was wrong even being 1000 miles away they knew and would call to see how I was or Id call just to say HI and it's like they always knew & I needed those kind words, today I need those words words of wisdom of what to do how to do it when to do it but they are no longer here, I try to picture what they would say or do to make me feel better and get me back on track again, but I don't have that anymore and I am heartbroken and sad beyond words.

I have my real mom but I don't know where she is, am I ready to face her after all these years? Be honest I don't think I will ever be ready, I know it's not her fault for the way she is but I still am not ready, thought I was when I was 18 but that back fired and I ran far far away. My dad I talk to him once in awhile but every time I asked something in the past "Let me ask Deb" are the last words that come outta his mouth. Deb is my step mom, Us 3 we always had our good and bad days and days that just dragged on bad for ages. She was the closest thing I had to a mom growing up after I left living with my Grandparents cause my dad wanted me back living with him but to be honest I had to teach myself a lot & learn a lot from my Grandmother, she will always be my number one mom like my Grandfather will always be my number one dad cause they have always been there no matter what. Reason I wish I stayed with my Grandparents even after 6 cause life up til I was 11 was HELL and I am over those years now but they wont be forgotten because of all the bull shit that went on.

My friends try to help me they do they give great advice, I rant on my facebook page they read, put up with me, they listen they try to help and I thank every single one of you for it, but to be honest it's just not the same and I know you all understand that, friends I was with over a month ago where there helping as well they gave me a place to stay for awhile I mean I could of went home but I was helping them a lot and I enjoyed being over there & hanging out with them & the kids, today they have there own problems to deal with & I understand that, I do miss them so much my heartbreaks cause I was adopted by my friends mom. Just thing is I hope things get better for everyone soon and know I am always here for my friends no matter what. I just hope all will be okay so we can all get together again soon & have some fun like old times, but til then I am trying to juggle a lot of things on my own and with everyone that's trying to help me now and don't think I don't appreciate it cause I do, trust me I do. Just everyone has there own way of touching a persons heart, mind, body and soul if that makes any sense.


The selling the house thing, my BIGGEST FEAR to be honest is losing friends/family I am close too, I moved a lot growing up almost every year of my life up til February 2005 that's when I made a trip down to where I am now. To meet/visit my husbands parents, we ran off & got married it was Valentine's weekend he drove 14 hours to come & get me and ask me to marry him after we talked online for 6-8 months 8+ hours a day. Crazy eh?

Well I really liked it here decided to stay, thing is every time I moved didn't matter where, when, who, what, why etc Id lose touch with a lot of friends/family next thing I knew I didn't hear from them anymore and they just poof disappear, I knew where they where, tried to contact them but never get any reply, reason my biggest fear is now same-things going on, even though people have promised it wont happen it's that FEAR that eats at me constant. It' sucks it really does. That's one of the reasons of many WHY I DON'T WANT TO MOVE! ~ The other reasons are cause I love the house I am in, I been here 5.5 years now many years longer then I been anywhere in my life, I love it! ~ Close and in the middle of ALL my friends I mean ya we will prolly need a bigger house eventually but I am not even preggers yet! ~ Let alone HAVE A KID! *sigh*

Well I just called my docs office cause I wanted to ask some questions about going off the phentermine I was on turns out you can be moody constant, gotta get your body back on track, feeling sleepy all the time, sluggish, depressed, body going under stress trying to adjust. There is many symptoms so hey me being bitchy isn't all my fault LOL only 85% of the bitchiness LOL!They said it takes 4-8 weeks JOY! lol so that on top of everything else not hearing from friends, stressed out, worrying about friends, trying to take some me time which I get bored of me time lol. I know things will get better sooner or later just gonna take time.

Well I think I am going to stop here for now, I need to make another phone call to my friend Kim & hubby should be calling sooner or later on his lunch break it's after 11am & I am getting hungry <3 1="">

Wednesday, August 25, 2010



Friday, August 13, 2010


<a href="" target="_new" title="Season 4 - Music Video - "Game On"">Video: Season 4 - Music Video - "Game On"</a>

Tuesday, August 10, 2010



When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.


So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6

Sunday, August 08, 2010

Totally Awesome, Pause My Music First!

ArcAttack Electrifies Texas Rockfest pt. 1 from OPEN LABS on Vimeo.

Holy Shit!

Pause my playlist first, then click to the 57 min mark 4th last dot ~ Fast forward to it ~ Arcattack its insane!!

Sunday, August 01, 2010

Start Of A Shitty Week

I dunno why it's just the way I feel maybe cause well mother nature is a bitch, be honest I been depressed cause I am sick of many things right now, I want to find a at home job, I miss my friends like crazy, so many things I mean it's seriously crazy....

I just wanna curl into a corner & not come out for a very long time.....

But most of all this week is also one year since my grandmother who was/is my mother passed away......

I feel like shit =(

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Sad Stuff

is feeling like her heart has been stabbed, ripped in half, and trampled on

Just wen u think u have no more tears u start to cry again, and then u realize that just like last time there is nobody to wipe away Ur tears and say I love you

If I were gone would you even care? would you sit down and cry? or would you be happier because things are easier for you now?

Feels like a knife is in her heart and everyday it's pushed in more and more by the people she loves...

A Mistake is when something is done once maybe twice! If it's repeated again & again It's called a Habit!! Then the word Sorry means nothing!! Get the Hint!!!

You said you'd never break my heart you said you'd never make me cry. So all those times that you did , did you close your eyes?

it takes a minute to like someone, a month to love someone, but to forget someone takes a lifetime

I wanna hug you, if only you would hug me back. I wanna kiss you, if only you would kiss me back. I love you, if only you would love me back.

is riding the biggest emotional roller-coaster ever. Will someone please let me off, I want to feel normal again. :(

Wednesday, July 14, 2010


Well last time I went over to my friends was last Friday, hung out with the kids & Colored some pictures for when the guys got back from NY. Was quite a bit of fun! ~ Time after that was Sunday when I went to pick up her son & friend from NY and come back here to watch movies, she was at work and my other friend (Her hubby) was sleeping cause he drove all the way from NY back so understandable why he was so tired. But little did I know that they had some chores to do before they left, so since then she told me she wasn't mad at me when she picked them up Sunday but I haven't seen her or talked to her even on facebook & Ive tired calling but no luck getting in touch with anyone which makes me wonder & yet sad at the same time.

I know shes been on Facebook cause I see her posts from the fb games. Not sure what's going on there, Ive talked to her son everything seems to be okay, but doesn't help me from worrying since her mom said she wasn't feeling good come Sunday evening, so I been trying to see how shes feeling and find out her schedule cause id like to hang out and do girly things u know? Exp tomorrow since Hubby is working & Ill have the car tomorrow. Which will be nice for once =D ~ Do gotta go fix there pc at some point, it's still not fixed either that or Ill have to bring it over here. Since the house is up for sale and what not.

Went to my OB yesterday & my doc, things went okay at the OB waiting on more test results, and doctor went okay tests came back well BUT my blood pressure is high was 140/101 ..... prolly partly cause of the phenterme and today was the first day without it, I ate 3 drumsticks, baked chicken, fries and that's it really.... doesn't sound like much but was quite a bit.... That could be one reason why my BP is high but also cause of the stress from selling the house and dealing with my father in law and his controlling bull. Hubby been acting like him at times or just agreeing with him which stresses me out even more, sometimes crying helps me calm down but then I am really upset and want to leave for awhile but it's kinda hard to do, since when I try to get in touch with folks doesn't workout to well that way.

I still really am against selling the house cause I don't' want to move, but I really don't have a choice, Ive tired to explain my peace and fears and everything but I am just told I am being silly, I don't like moving for the fact I have done it so much from the time I was born til I was 23/24, I finally have a place I can call home for the last 5.5 years, every time I move I lose those I love and care about or I lose touch or I never see them again and I don't want that to happen since most of my friends I hang out with are this way cause everyone where hubby wants to move to I make plans they get changed or dropped completely which totally sucks. I know a few said we will still come visit but when is the question, I'm just sad that we will move when the house sells part of me doesn't want it to sell but id like a bigger house but I just dunno anymore I feel like I am starting in a slump of depression and I can't get out mainly started yesterday after my doc apps... =(

Friday, July 09, 2010

I been officially adopted by my best friends Mom

Yup my friend Yoey's mom told me the other day I am officially her daughter & the kids are my niece & nephews lol. To funny! I have to say I am happy that I have more of a extended family now since my family I did know (Grandpa and Grandma) are not longer with us.... so I need and want as much family as I can get! But having hubbys family, my best friends family & more is always wonderful!

Well time to get hubby's uniforms washed up & finishing up a few things around here while he goes and gets his brother, then I am gonna go & hang out with Jazzy Jered & Jeremy (and Yoey when she gets in from work) ~ Finish up some art projects we started on Wed ~ The guys will be back from NY this weekend!! =)

Well time to finish & head off since hubby is spending time with his bro tonight I need to go amuse myself otherwise and sitting in my room by myself isn't one of them lol


I just want everything to work out honestly but everyone needs to quit acting like jerks and what not cause it is stressful and I am TRYING TO KEEP MY BLOOD PRESSURE DOWN Since my app is on Wed...


Is happy today !!

Busy day too... Errands, hubbys uniforms, spend time with hubby & later when hubby hangs out with his bro I am gonna take off to hang out with the kids and finish stuff for when the guys get back from NY tomorrow, still wish I could of gone with them! Sounds like they where having a blast & Jonathan said hes bringing me back some NY pizza they are gonna keep in the cooler lol.

Ill prolly most likely be staying at there house tomorrow night cause Ill be staying Sunday to work on the PC and hang out with the family now that they will be back plus I been officially adopted by my best friends Mom lol. She asked me if I wanted to go to church with her and Jazzy Sunday so this way no gas wasted back and forth etc

Well time to get the day started, already paid bills, did the budget and got a few things done, time to get the rest of the day done! W00T!

Thursday, July 08, 2010

Weight Updates!!

Wow I just keep dropping & be honest I have not had anytime to workout, I am not complaining on that fact just shocked! I been just so stressed with the house stuff, my father in law, hubby... father in law is trying to control EVERYTHING when it comes to selling MINE & HUBBYS house & I been very annoyed to the point after telling my father in law NO BACK OFF for the last 3yrs and with hubby not saying anything I finally gave up, decided to spend a lot of time at my friends house hanging out there helping out & spending time with the kids, I didn't care I was well still am tired!

Father in law was away for the last week which was nice hubby & I had a few talks and spats and came to a agreement on some stuff but saying and doing are 2 diff things for him seriously =P

His dad came back last night to do some work I wasn't here though I went to my friends and left a nice little note on the table (trust me I know why my mother in law isn't married to him anymore lol) But hubby is starting to act like him & he doesn't realize how controlling hes getting and saying who I can and can't hang out with & when I need to be home etc, hes lightened up quite a bit since a week ago prolly cause his dads been gone or was... but i told him u need to stand up to your dad cause i been just turning blue so yeah ..

I am a survivor though always have been, just tuff stuff, tho going from 255lbs to 176lbs in 15.5 months tho rocks! Tho now my BMI went from 44 15.5 months ago now to a 30 I am officially at the bottom of the obese chart since 30+ is considered obese... I am happy where I am at though my belly is a pain to get rid of but the rest of me is rock solid muscle ; ) ~ I wanted my goal of 150 or so but at this point Im happy so if I lose I lose as long as I don't go back above 200 Ill be happy no matter what =) Also... While I was gone for 2 weeks there, I was a size 16 or so when I left.... I can officially say... I fit into my size 14s but I have room LOL so..... yay!? =)

Monday, July 05, 2010

Thinking Of Things To Do....

Well summer is now here, kids outta school
Ever since I spent all that time with my friends and there kids, since I been back home been going a bit stir crazy exp most of all when hubby is at work, I wanna hang out with them & the kids and have some fun, my friend Jonathan said when they get back from NY they are gonna go to the theme park, which I wanna go too! He told me no excuses they where gonna take me weather I liked it or not since I NEVER been on a roller coaster lol
Hey fine by me I don't care !
But I also been thinking of taking the 2 young ones to the Zoo prolly on a Tuesday since it's cheaper.... thinking thinking but ya I just wanna get out and do stuff after my cleaning is done & hubby is at work
I have no idea how stir crazy Ill be once we move cause our friends we live around then either sleep all day or work so... god I am gonna go crazy better get a white room ready, haha kidding, hopefully my friends from back this way wont mind the 30-45min drive to come visit or come get me etc *crosses fingers*
Well hubbys off the next 2 days and his dad is back in town *groan*
So.... yeah

Wish me luck =P

*spin in chair*


*jump up & down*

*spin spin in chair*


Friday, July 02, 2010

Borrrrrrred & Jealous, lol

Well you got it another rant/boredom post ......

Today I got asked to go to a amusement park with some friends/family of mine, thing is I couldn't since I had more crap around here to do with cleaning etc.... I spent yesterday sweeping, dishes, dusting, putting on the new couch cover, bathroom, spare room, beds, curtains, cleaning around the PCs, cleaning the tables, counters, laundry (5 loads), sweeping the basement, making phone calls, cleaning/dusting the blinds and sewing up pants, today I did the rest of the laundry, dishes, cut the grass, floors, bathroom, brushing the kitties, and tonight I have some store runs to make for new cat water filters, milk, bread, lunch meat..... but yet it is never enough... *sigh* wonder why I am stressed, I hate crying all the time, I am still hurting over Grandma dying last Aug and still on Grandpa & our friend William but I am just to "get over it" and "swallow the hurt and deal with it later" Ya bull shit.... Grandma hasn't even been gone a year yet and her birthday/mother's day/grandpa's birthday/father's day/year of when Will died just passed (April/May/June) but I am just to "Get over it"

Well I left last Thursday to help my friends with there PC, I was up til 5am working on it and watching tv with there oldest son & chit chatting I talked to hubby that night & he said he didn't care what time it was he would come get me & take me home since he was off Friday but thing was I was still working and by the time I dozed off (5am) I said screw it when I woke at 6:30 when the kids where getting up for school, I got up & made them breakfast since my friend (there mom) was still in bed & my other friend (there dad) was in the shower getting ready for work. So after they all left I told hubby previous that I was gonna be back out hanging out with my friend Friday anyways cause it's her ONLY day off last week & he was having his brother over anyways so I didn't feel like coming home to clean or whatever for 2-3hrs then go back, no point really when I could be hanging out with her and he was off Saturday anyways! Well I thought that his brother would be spending the night so I stayed put myself. Turns out after the movies he left I told hubby he could of called me I could of came home! =/

Saturday came around thought I would go home since Hubby & I planned a evening of movies/dinner and we had errands to run that day, little did I know I had to hear him his brother and his dad go at it over a stupid ceiling fan and other things, I wanted to say STFU & GET OUT! I am serious I am tired of the yelling and stress and bull shit with the house going up on the market. His mom even stopped by with her hubby & told me she had to leave and leave fast she was already tired of hearing them go at one another so she finally rolled her eyes and left. (and after what his dad said to me the other day I don't want him here at all he was acting like MY dad and putting me down and saying hurtful shit, for that I am really not liking the man right now almost to the point of saying I hate him & I don't want him around me or his grandkids if/when we decide on having them!)

I spent most of the day running errands, It was nice to get out by myself and do them instead of hearing hubby how long I was gonna be etc since I spend quite a bit of time in the grocery store lol I have a habit of reading all labels, plus I was able to turn up MY music & relax and drive around enjoying the hot weather =) ~ I did miss hanging out with my friends and there kids, I was having a blast, nice stress re-leaver too. I did miss hubby don't get me wrong I just didn't miss the tension & bitching in the air which has been a non stop thing as of late & with my doctor worried on my high blood pressure or borderline I should say I want it to come down before my next app in 10 days.

Well hubby then invited his brother to stay for dinner Saturday and usually I don't mind but it was to be OUR afternoon/evening hanging out together, he then said he wanted to go to the store which was fine but then a hour later not back yet? I was mad cause I had dinner started by this point the kitchen cleaned up and the rest of the house cept laundry couldn't do that cause Eric had his stuff in the washer !! I usually don't mind but shit if your going to the store go and come back simple, but hubby wanted to play a immature childish act he says it was because when my friend and I went out shopping the other day then swapped cars and went somewhere else (which he knew about) because we stopped for 10mins on the way bringing me home at her house so we could doctor my arm (sunburn all to hell hurt like a bitch too) and she can tuck her kids into bed. Ooooo 10 mins fucking cripes, she had forgot her cell in the car so we didn't know he called til we got in to take me home, he called the house phone but the kids lost it reason why we left right away lol.

Well anyways Saturday was the day my friends mom slipped & fell in a water puddle at walmart no wet floor sign nothing, so she had to head to the hospital to get checked to be sure nothing was broken. They needed to get 4-6 sewing projects done before Wed when my friends hubby & their oldest was leaving for vacation cause they where working on sewing projects for the new babies that will be coming into the family soon. With her mom bruised to the bone and hardly being able to get around she had to call sick to work. By this point I got a hold of hubby and I told him he could come home now or when my friend and her mom came by I might as well go back over there cause I came home to have the evening with him but if he was staying over there I wasn't gonna stay home solo. Makes sense right? So he could of said I am on my way home .. but no... so by this point I said well you got your choice come home now or else kinda thing when they get here I am leaving, I still had work to do over there anyways. So they showed up no hubby so I grabbed my pc and left so they would have a pc they could use while I was still working on theirs only fair in that aspect. Sunday came around I spent the night no reason for me to go home since who knows when hubby got home. Plus he was working Sunday so ... when he got home I called him and told him we needed to chat cause I was tired of stressing and crying and listening to the BS with him and his dad and all of us and being told I don't do enough well he was eating dinner & didn't wanna listen to me so he hung up, how the fuck are we gonna work shit out if he keeps shutting down seriously, another thing that makes me fear get closer and closer to coming true and its not all me its him too! Ive been only asking him to tell me its gonna be okay and keep me safe and sound but ugh he can't even do that, hes come around a bit since last night but saying it while holding on to me and actually meaning it is another story!

Thing is also ever since we got closer and closer to get the house up for sale and now that it is my fear kicks in yes the fear i been talking about, hubby thinks its silly but to me its not from age newborn til I was 24 I moved almost every year of my life and every time I did I always lost friends/family/ppl I love & care about..... since then I been able to settle for the last 5 years in the house we are in now, I know eventually one day we where gonna look for a bigger house when we have kids etc but we don't even have kids yet.... and now that most if not all my good friends are near this house I wanna stay !! ~ I mean I feel safe here its my little shell so to speak. I am not ready to move and where hubby wants to move is way the fuck out there, sure some family/friends are there but every time I wanted to go with them or do something, something always comes up so.... and one of them after the drama going on there I don't wanna hang out with her. So I got sick of trying. Plus my friends kids I love them to death. Every time I am over there I get told the kids are happy and they don't want me to leave. Every time they see me its like instant attachment and I seriously don't mind one bit! Plus being in the middle of everyone is perfect !! Sure there are other kids I can hang out with too hubby's other brothers kids but I barley know them and last time one of them came over he sat on my pc and played city of heroes the whole time lol, at least with these kids they have some games and such but its something everyone can play OR we go outside and run around which is much healthier =)

Also if we move where hubby wants I wont have the car prolly 85-95% of the time cause he will have it at work and Ill be way out in BUTT FUCK IDAHO with no way to get back to the city to hang out with my friends! Could get the second car back on the road I know we can afford it & stuff but hes saying NO so.... I love being home but id like to get out too, he tells me ill need a job then to pay for the second car, okay we are eventually gonna need it anyways what if/when we have kids and one gets hurt & i gotta take him to his work? which is like 45mins to a hour drive? He says ambulance pffft for $1000 each time and it's NOT covered that's outta pocket!? BULL!

I swear we need to come up with some kinda agreement but every time we talk about shit it turns into one big argument and I am getting so tired, angry & frustrated beyond belief, I honestly sometimes wish I was in NY this week with my friend & his son, ive seen a vid of them eating NY pizza gosh darn I am so jealous!! After hearing so much about NY in the last few weeks I wanted to go lol. Maybe another time, I know we where planning a trip to Canada once they get there passports, be fun =)

I just hope things work out soon, I also wanna get my tattoo, I wanna head to some metal concerts in the area..... maybe I will get a job eventually just so I can save up some cash & buy a new new car with a CD player I love the 1994 Chev we have in the back don't get me wrong unless there is someway to hook up a portable CD player and get that nasty smell outta the car, speaking of nasty smells I finally got the smoking smell outta our Kia but some arse says I can't handle stress, hes one to talk Mr start smoking again BULL *sigh* I seriously didn't lose almost 80lbs for nothing on my end of the promise he was doing awesome over a year smoke free then cause hes stressed cause I wasn't here to help with house shit he starts again, just love being in the black when hes gotta go buy smokes, arse face.

Anyways I think I am done ranting for now, something needs to change and its not me going back to being home full time with my tail between my legs, Ive been doing that every year and just agreeing with whom ever i was living with/with and I am getting sick of it, I wanna stand my ground and be ME, Ill be home full time and take care of the house but when I wanna spend time with hubby, friends, family etc Ill go do it and I don't wanna hear people bitch and whine, I mean sure Ill be home to spend time with hubby when he gets home etc that's fine but when its just me here by myself I am going to enjoy myself =)

Wonder Woman gets 21st century makeover

.... She's to skinny now IMO
...... where did the cleavage go?

Well off to sleep busy day of housework again tomorrow ..... *sigh* I don't mind being home full time & taking care of the house and such but this cleaning things are not dirty is ridiculous seriously like the realiter lady said people are gonna realize ppl still live here & it don't have to be perfect... she needs to tell hubby & my father in law that!! ~ Well sleep now.... Ill go dream of being on a roller coaster since it will be the closest I get to one for now and enjoy my safe & happy feeling while we still live in the house (before it sells) we are in now before I move away from all my friends I hang out with or talk to on a regular bases cause I know once I move I wont see most of them anymore which sucks total balls....... Ill live I guess but I don't think Ill be as happy as I have been, just have to wait & see I guess.... Sleep seriously now... my mind been going a mile a second on thinking I need to try & relax some more my head really hurts, but seriously thing is I move far that way I don't think Ill be home much since Ill be hanging out with friends if I am able to get to them or they are able to get to me *yawn* But Ill prolly be home on hubbys off days, who knows *thud* ....... Zzzzzzz

Monday, June 28, 2010

Ill NEVER Understand *sigh*

Seriously here...

I am tired that 3 weeks ago when we got closer & closer to getting the house on the market everyone does 360's and goes into a mode where everyone's grumpy as hell stressed freaking out and basically all hell breaking lose.

I left for a few days cause I am tired of everyone freaking out & fighting, a headache that wont stop, heartache too cause I been greaving over family yet still .... last 3 months been HELL for me cause Grandma died last summer (aug) our friend died last may and April 7th was grandpa's birthday he passed Christmas 07, Grandma's birthday was May 1st, Mother's day and fathers day passed and its ... been hard!! I been greaving but yet he don't understand that, but Saturday he said that he wouldn't get on me about the cleaning and just be happy with what I do do.... and if i wanna go out and do something he will be happy with it etc and not complain, Ive always been happy when it comes to taking care of him and the house I love being home, but I do like to get out once in awhile too exp now since Ive made some close friends =)

But agreeing on a place to move is another issue, I get told I can pick then I get told I can't, cause I was wanting to move closer to my friends I been closer with now then before kinda thing u know? Cause if we move where he wants only way to get a second car on the road is if we get a really cheap house but I don't wanna work on the house I just wanna move in and have paint to do and be done with it kinda thing, I love being in the middle of everyone so its all equal but he wants to move where he wants to and 3-4 of our friends will be impossible to get to and see everyday cause its a 30-40min drive *sigh* So another thing that's gonna be nuts once we move cause Id love to be close to my friends house I am at now plus there yards are huge and I fell in love with a few houses this way and we will be in the area, but well its just nuts cause I don't think they will wanna drive 30-40mins almost everyday to come see me if I don't have the car and I don't wanna lose touch :(

What made me mad Saturday is we talked earlier in the week about having Saturday together to hang out over dinner/movie since his brother was there Friday and I went to hang out with my friend Friday cause it was her ONLY day off last week, and I didn't wanna sit around at the house while he had guy time, cause I like giving him that space to do so... its like he wants me there kinda thing so i dunno... but Saturday when he invited his brother to stay for dinner even tho i said i was gonna make steak and taters and we can do movies I took that as he don't wanna hang out kinda thing, he said he was going to the store so i said okay and I reminded him i needed the car later and he said he would brb so a hour later hes not back so i called his bros phone and turned out he went to his other brothers to hang out I did flip cause hello i mentioned i needed the car and i was gonna make dinner etc.. by this point I got the call about my friends mom falling and hurting herself, i was mad that he wanted the childish act of doing this without telling me cause he said I did it when I went out with my friend shopping which he knew but on the way home we stopped at her house for 10mins to see the kids off to bed and med my arm cause it was all sun burnt..... *sigh*

By this point I said you can come home or else when my friend and her mom get here from the hospital im leaving and i guess since his bro was with him and he was staying for dinner... But I guess he took that as for good, I mean he was out with his brothers I figure Im not gonna stay home by myself!! I did take my pc with me to help work on there pc big deal! That way we have a working pc right? ~ Well he went to work Sunday and told people that I had left and moved out and moved in with another co-worker and there family (our friends) which is gonna start roomers which we don't care what people think at this point but seriously how freaken childish is that!? *sigh*

I hate to be the one AGAIN every time to go back and try to work stuff myself out, I am always the first to TRY to get things back on track Ive tired for so long and im annoyed on doing so, but I seriously do love him with all my heart & I want this to work but its like hes still pushing me back, he needs to make up his mind....


I hurt everywhere right now and it's not cool what so ever ='(

Well my friend said she would be the 3rd Party if I wanted her to but my fear is if she does that he will get highly pissed and kick her outta the house and tell me not to hang out with her and if i do then __________ kinda thing and shes one of my best friends! ~ We tried a councilor once upon a time a free one cause can't afford much else... this was years ago and about other issues but it wouldn't work.... just doesn't help that his dad is always blah blah as well about house stuff ... i understand hes got money invested in helping us etc but I was never ready for this house to go on the market because everytime i get rdy to move all hell breaks lose and shit falls apart...... like whats going on now! I moved every year of my life up til 5.5 years ago when hubby and I got married and now cause im getting rdy to move again everythings falling to pieces and I am scared! I think we can work this but he needs to step up too!

I am not perfect I know this but *bangs head on desk and cries*


Sunday, June 27, 2010

I Know Your Gonna Read This....

I Misses ya but I think its good we give one another space right now with all the stress that's been going on cause of house renovations & your dad & getting the house up for sale Monday the last month has been so crazy everyone's been at one anothers necks... best to give time to step back and take a breath & breathe! ~ Your welcome to call me on your lunch break & we will talk tomorrow *hugs and kisses*

~ Me

ps.. we will get though this im sure =)

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Gone For 1.5 days = TONS OF FUN & NO STRESS!

Okay well maybe a little stress lol

My friends called to let me know the pc was acting up again they got attacked by some Malware UGH! ~ So frustrating when pc issues come about but me? I don't mind going to fix it though it was tons of fun fixing it and while the pc was updating/scanning I was hanging out with the kids & my 2 friends.

Hubby had his bro here so all was good he had company, Friday (yesterday) I stayed to hang out with Yoey since she was off work, Thursday was when I went over to work on the pc well same with friday but I got some hang out time with my friends as well =)

Either way it was tons of fun, yesterday morning I woke up after dozing off at 5am and just went to making the kids breakfast before school dunno why I just boom done it was habit since my friend was getting rdy for work and others where still sleeping, then after they left I sat with my friend Yoey chatting and watching a movie in her room after she got up. Then we got up & got some of her errands done then I took a nap til the kids got home, fixed the pc some more and watched a movie & hung out with the kids some more =)

Either way it was nice to get away, I could of stayed longer today but I knew I had to get some stuff done here myself, came home to dishes in the sink, bathroom, floors eventually when people QUIT WALKING ON IT WITH THERE DANG SHOES! ~ Laundry as soon as the washer is free and some little odds and ends I need to do. ~ I also got errands done Target, Big Lots and Food shopping. It was nice to go solo and do that stuff went tons faster then usual. Steak was on sale got some of that for dinner, its to hot to grill might just pan fry it.

Well I am hoping hubby's attitude is better, so far meh meh but better improve or ill go back to working on the pcs. My head is killing me =(

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Even More Pissed Off

First off....

Good news is I am finally down to 178lbs... about 15 months ago I was 255 or more... so yeah 77lbs lost is good right? *sigh* I didn't lose that by doing nothing and sitting on my fucking ass all day DID I ? NO!

Thing is I will NEVER understand people

I cook 3-4 meals a day
Cutting the Grass (once a week usually depending on how much rain we get)
Making the bed
Cleaning out the fridge

the list goes on.......

Everyday same shit same ol crap everyday

and it doesn't stop once hubby gets home its a on going thing, even on his off days, I gotta cook clean and whatever...

I don't mind doing these things and staying home full time I really don't but when people say I need to step it up and do more or I am not doing enough



I am just so angry anymore, hurt, sad I am sick of the stress of the house stuff, Ive only been saying for the last 5.5 years I don't wanna move again or sell the house, I love it! ~ Only reason we are looking to move is a bigger house for a family but even then with hubby's attitude as of late & his dad pissing me off to no end...... I dunno anymore! AND this attitude didn't start til we got closer and closer to getting the house on the market!

Seriously the guy that came to take pics yesterday says everything don't have to be 200% perfect cause people still live here... I told him after I shook my head YOU TELL MY FATHER IN LAW THAT! ~ Cause hes the one that wants it all in perfect shape and its stressing us all out ~ But serious it has hubby has turned into someone I don't even know hes bitching about not having a day off in a week, WELCOME TO MY WORLD! I never get a day off and when i go out with friends for a few hours to do girly stuff and he doesn't get dinner he turns into a JERK! ~ Please I know I spoiled him for the last 5.5 years being home all the time (when I wasn't working) ~ But now that I have a license and Im going out and doing things its like all hell is breaking lose SORRY FOR HAVING A LIFE & WANTING TO TAKE A MOMENT TO BREATHE! Fuck I wanna punch something or someone!

Gosh I feel smothered sometimes... its like I have a fucking curfew he calls when I am out to my friends phones or he wants to choose who I can hang out with I wanna say YES DAD! cause its what it feels like sometimes I wanna scream go hide and cry FUCK IM GROWN UP! Sure I am not working but its not like I don't do my chores and just go play I fucking do them! Sure sometimes Ill slack a bit or not cook cause I am out but 1 night you can't make one fucking meal!? ~ Now I know if I was with HIS FRIENDS I mean there my friends too but if I was with Kim or something I am sure he wouldn't be calling 3x in 5 mins!

I feel like I am dealing with a teenager! Mom when you coming home I am hungry FUCK OFF god its like living with my ex boyfriend again sometimes ... He would call 5mins after I get to work and know I wasn't getting off work for 8hrs and be like ..... when you coming home I am hungry...... FUCK OFF! there is chicken in the freezer the fingers you bake for 20mins ya those that he always wanted to buy cause they are quick.... ya im about to start buying those for hubby too cause you know what QUIT BEING LAZY! ~

Don't get me wrong im happy I get to stay home 100% of the time but when people want you here 24/7 and to baby them its like having kids and your how old? But again its my fault for doing everything... I said to myself I wasn't gonna do that anymore and its just habit ive done it and now its expected but seriously when we move its not gonna happen again cause I don't want people to expect things, My friend Scoot back in the day his mom did that cleaned everything for us cooked worked etc etc and gave us 20 bucks a day to go eat sometimes or spend on ourselves...


My doctor already told me my blood pressure is 1 point before high I mean FUCK! Hes pissed off and so I am I !!

Okay I am done ranting for now... I swear tomorrow I am going to hang out with Yoey I need time away or I am seriously gonna break something or smack someone!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010


Well last few days I had a blast, went to some friends house to help them with a few things and fix there computer, so fun to the pc isn't fixed YET lol to much wrong with it but ill get it going soon I hope! I have another to fix too, well 2 lol! ~ Also went hiking with there kids and just so much fun! I mean totally tons of fun! After being gone for a few days I came home decided what the heck weigh myself, I lost 4lbs in like 3 days or less, i was like HOLY CRAP! I can tell my stress level here with home renovations & such been effecting my stress level exp now that I weighed myself last night and in 1-2 days I gained the weight back! UGH! SO MAD!

Id love to get away for a few days again be so much fun! ~ My friends son asked me if I was gonna go to NY with them in July Id love to but hubby said no, Id love to get away for a few more days & go have fun see places I never been! I bet Id be under 180 when I get back lol, but unfort I can't go and Ive never been to NY So thus I am sad & jealous cause I really wanna go Ive always wanted to go to NY! *sigh* maybe some other time. Tho I know we where talking about making a trip to Canada once they got there passports so I dunno, but I really wanna go to NY!! LOL Seriously I wanna get away from the crazy house selling crap !! Exp today since the lady is coming today to tell us what to sell for. *sigh* Is it over yet? House sold yet? Vacation time yet? *sniff* I just wanna go *kicks dirt* I been so stressed I haven't been able to sleep let alone anything else to much going on, can I go & get away for a bit please? *sniff*


Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Frustrated, Stressed, Exhausted, Sad....

Need I say more?

Well today ended up being a R&R day, but my mind couldn't take a rest kept thinking of all the crap that needs to be done before the lady comes to give us pointers on what to do before/when we put the house up for sale etc, honestly I love this house great backyard & everything can't I just take it with me? But we are leaving the area totally need better schools, But seriously I just need to get back on track with my workouts, doc says my blood pressure is a few points from being considered "high blood pressure" and he really doesn't want to put me on meds for it when I can lower it myself.... part of it is from the meds I'm taking my weight loss ones he has given me which to be honest I don't want to give up just yet seriously... they are helping me from "over eating" something I do when I stress out which I been doing A LOT of & it doesn't help me reach my weight loss goals, my goal & focus is losing weight but so much is preventing me from dedicating 100% like I had been months prior I was working out 1-3hrs a day 4-6 days a week prepping foods etc right now everything & everyone is/has been so frustrating and annoying to me with poking at this and that I just wanna scream, "Leave me & the house the fuck alone" Not so much hubby really just everyone else.... I just hope we can find a buyer quickly & move get it over with so I can get back on track, I want to be where I need/want to be next month so we can start a family I don't think there gonna want me to start a family with high blood pressure ...I know it will come down once I get on track with exercise but question is WHEN!? I am so tired of the stress.... I know if I stop taking the weight loss meds it will help too... but I still need them right now.... I only have 33lbs left I lost 72lbs dang it & only 32 of those lbs where with the meds since January !! ~ Please god give me the strength to bust ass though these last 33lbs & help us get things on track find a home fine someone to buy this house etc just want this stress to be gone so I can get on track with continuing to be healthy =(

In other notes/news etc......

February was very nice.. 5 years for hubby & I .... April was a very nice month Hubby's birthday Grandpa's birthday and many other friends had a nice surprise party for hubby tho had a ton of people we enjoy hanging out with around for the party, hubby was surprised tho I think he knew all along since he didn't mention D20 gaming that weekend but Vince stole him off for the night before so us gals can finish cooking/prepping tons of fun!!

Tho then May came was VERY stressful too since it was mother's day & my grandma's birthday she passed away last summer so it was a stressful emotional month her and grandpa will always be mom and dad to me they raised me for many years & I love/miss em so much... plus a year mark of when our friend who was/is like a brother Will passed away.... so its been a ride to say the most on this roller coaster and doesn't help I hold in my feelings and tears til I explode on someone instead of letting it out... so yeah I am bad for that... and father's day is this coming weekend and grandpa is no longer here either... I also wish sometimes even tho I hate winter cause its so cold... it was fall/winter again so these sad months can be forgotten tho they have good memories in the past they just hurt right now will this pain go away eventually? =(

But I am looking to the future with hubby & future kids getting back on track with weight loss etc just the stress needs to go away, it will I know it will just can't wait til it does, tho there will always be stress but right now its HUGE stress....

Well gonna go try and sleep, tho hubby is snoring im gonna have to smack him to stop, first brush my teeth & get a drink..... then try & sleep after I bump the kitties off the bed, there all sleeping on my side, go figure =P

Sunday, June 06, 2010

Supportive & Amazing Family & Friends!

I have to say I am very thankful I have amazing Family & Friends that are so supportive in my weight loss, this morning I am talking to a friend of mine Agustus. Ive known him for the last 3-4 years now, met him in the online game I play City of Heroes. It's a game where you can run around and be a super hero or super villain, you pick your powersets, let's say you want to be a fire person like human torch but want pets, well you can pick a fire controller & eventually when you level up to 32 you can get 3 little fire imps & depending on what you pick for a secondary power will depend what you can do too like heal or buff or whichever =) It's a really fun game I been playing it since Beta back in 2004, so yeah many many years ago =P

I got many compliments since I have been on my weight loss journey & I thank everyone for every single on of them you guys keep me going! I mean seriously I am happy to help & inspire others reason I started my weight loss page on facebook there is many that have helped & inspired me too!

In the last 14 months Ive lost 72lbs with 33lbs left to my goal of 150lbs if I get there I will be 10lb shy of the weight I was when I graduated high school But most of you are wondering.... this compliment I have to say this one takes the cake, Agustus my friend wrote this to me:

** if i may say it.. i am soooo proud of you.. with you progress in loosing weight. i know is hard, and much hard work i have looked at the pics and i can only say " look at this girl. Shes play a super heroine in an game but look she is a hero in RL girl you keep up the good work. i am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo proud of you, cause i know it takes dedication and self control. when i saw you posting thing about the biggest loser, i was waiting to see you in an episode... but then i i thought WAIT A SEC!! she is not a loser. she is a heroine that is why i am so proud of her! ** ~

Thanks again Agustus, everyone it's not just me you my wonderful family & friends all help as well! I wouldn't be where I am today without all of you! Much luv to everyone!! =) I am truly blessed & thankful for every single one of you & of course my awesome hubby who is now eating the samethings I am pretty much so I don't get jealous ; ) I love you babe!

Friday, May 28, 2010

Updates, Rules & Happy Test!

WELL 14 MONTHS GONE & 71lbs also! YAY!
34lbs left to my goal of 150!

Other then that I been thinking of some rules that strongly need to be in forced in my house due to people not being able to control themselves I am sick of also having things in my house I can't eat or drink because of my diet/meds I am on! I wont be on these meds forever mind you but still I wish some would have some respect for what I can and can't have!

1. AS OF JUNE 1st! ~ No alcohol ~ PERIOD NONE! ~ I can't drink the stuff some friends of ours don't want the stuff but yet people still bring it and buy it, waste of money and empty calories, Ill let it slide this weekend cause of the hard work we are doing with shoveling gravel but hubby knows 6 pack that's it! ~ Cause we do have family members that don't want to drink anymore and are really happy they stopped drinking but feel the need to drink when hubby brings it around so it don't go to waste and they don't want it they just don't say anything!

2. Shoes come off at the door ~ Seriously we just got all new floors and they are a BITCH to clean! ~ The house is going up for sale soon and its time to say HEY BACK OFF SHOES OFF! ~ I WILL NOT CLEAN THEM!

3. Junk food ~ No more enough is enough! Diet pop is okay and pop well is fine we don't have it often, only time junk food can come into the house now is on special occasions =)

4. Healthy food only ~ Don't like what I make/eat then starve =P

***Ill fill this in more as I think of them, what I can think of now***

Did a Oprah Happy test today to see how I did.....

Your score is: 94

If you scored 80 to 100 points: Call to joy
Inside each of us is a call to joy. The more you answer this call, the more you discover the truth of who you are, what is important and what your life is for. By following your joy, you experience the fullness of your being and you discover a depth of creativity and talent that inspires the world. People who follow their joy are the renaissance workers who evolve the consciousness of humanity. It's time to answer the call!

Test here:

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Totally Sad =(

2 year old kid that smokes 2 packs a day & his parents see nothing wrong with it and if the kid don't get a cig he smacks his head into the wall and cries and screams? come the fuck on people smarten up!

EMBED-Ardi Rizal - The real SMOKING BABY !! - Watch more free videos

Answered! Life's 25 Toughest Questions

Is love ever forever? When do kids become adults? Why is the line you're in always the slowest? Mysteries of the universe -- solved. Advice columnist Jeanne Marie Laskas weighs in.

1. Can love really last a lifetime?

Absolutely -- but only if you chuck the fairy tale of living happily ever after. A team of scientists recently found that romantic love involves chemical changes in the brain that last 12 to 18 months. After that, you and your partner are on your own. Relationships require maintenance. Pay a visit to a nursing home if you want to see proof of lasting love. Recently I spoke to a man whose wife of 60 years was suffering from advanced Alzheimer's disease. He came to sit with her every day and hold her hand. "She's been my best friend since high school," he told me. "We made a promise to stick together." Now, that's a love story.

2. Why do married folks begin to look like one another?

Watch any two people who like each other talking, and you'll see a lot of mirroring. One smiles, and so does the other. One nods or raises her eyebrows, and so does the other. Faces are like melodies with a natural urge to stay in sync. Multiply those movements by several decades of marriage, all those years of simultaneous sagging and drooping, and it's no wonder!

3. Can a marriage survive betrayal?

Yes. It takes time and work, but experts are pretty unanimous on this one. In her book The Monogamy Myth, Peggy Vaughan estimates that 60 percent of husbands and 40 percent of wives will have an affair at some point in their marriages. That's no advertisement for straying -- but the news is good for couples hoping to recover from devastating breaches of trust. The offended partner needs to make the choice to forgive -- and learn to live with a memory that can't simply be erased. Infidelity is never forgotten, but it can gradually fade into the murky background of a strong, mature marriage.

4. Why does summer zoom by and winter drag on forever?

Because context defines experience. As Albert Einstein once said: "When you are courting a nice girl, an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder, a second seems like an hour."

5. Do animals really have a sixth sense?

Or seventh or eighth! A box jellyfish has 24 eyes, an earthworm's entire body is covered with taste receptors, a cockroach can detect movement 2,000 times the diameter of a hydrogen atom -- and your dog's sense of smell is up to 100,000 times greater than yours (some dogs have been known to smell human cancers). It's safe to say that animals experience a much different world than we do.

6. Why does the line you're in always move the slowest?

Because you're late for your kid's band practice, and you curse your luck and envy those speeding by. Conversely, when you're in the fast line, unfettered by stress, you don't even notice the poor schlubs in the slow lane. Good luck rarely commands one's attention like bad luck. (See answer on buttered toast, "The Ultimate Test," below.)

7. By what age should you know what you want to do with your life?

Any moment now. This used to be a question the young asked. Now it's a quandary for baby boomers. The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that younger boomers have abandoned the American ideal of picking a job and sticking with it. Between the ages of 18 and 36, these boomers held an average of 9.6 jobs. That's a lot of exploration. The wisdom of elders in all cultures seems to be this: There's nothing to do with a life but live it. As Gandhi pointed out, "Almost anything you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it."

8. Where do traffic jams come from?

Scientists are hard at work on this one, studying computer models of the physics of gridlock and inventing all new traffic-light algorithms. Some of them postulate that the rhythms of automobile traffic are influenced by the same cyclical forces that cause waves in the ocean. For the average commuter, though, it may be helpful to think of it this way: congestion. There are just too many darn people trying to do the same thing at once. (Flush every toilet in a single office building simultaneously, and see what happens.) All of this by way of saying: Buy a newspaper, load up some favorite tunes on your MP3 player, and take the bus.

9. When is your future behind you?

When you stop chasing dreams. So don't stop!

10. Do you have to love your job?

No. Love your children, your spouse and your country. Love your parents, your neighbor and your dog. Loving is too important an emotion to attach to the way you make a living. But it's OK to strive for satisfaction. According to a recent Harris Poll, across America 59% of workers say they are extremely, somewhat or slightly satisfied with their jobs, but a depressing 33% feel as if they've reached a career dead end. If you're among the latter and thinking about a new job, consider the fact that employees in small firms said they felt more engaged in their work than did their corporate counterparts.

11. Can a man and a woman ever just be friends?

For a short time perhaps. Making the friendship last requires that you find each other at least vaguely repulsive. Good luck!

12. When do you take away Grandpa's car keys?

Twenty-two states currently require frequent testing for senior drivers. The American Medical Association and the AARP, however, say safe driving has more to do with functional ability than age. True, seniors are more at risk for reduced vision, hearing loss and impairments associated with arthritis -- but all of these conditions depend on the individual. So when it seems to you that Pop is becoming a danger to himself and a danger to others, tell him straight. Point out that his reactions have slowed or his judgment is losing its edge. Suggest he not drive anymore. Be firm, but at the same time, don't treat him like a child. Allow him his dignity. Offer him a ride.

13. Do siblings who fight really end up liking each other?

I surveyed my older sisters, both of whom have vivid memories of how I tripped, pummeled, and whacked them with various large plastic dolls (hey, they started it -- they teased me!), and both confirmed my suspicion that nowadays they like me just fine. I sure like them. All the experts will tell you that fighting among siblings is normal. The key is how parents handle it. Rule No 1: Don't take sides. Never get into a discussion of who started what or what is more fair. Stop fights with a time-out for all offenders. My mother would send us to separate rooms. So we invented string phones and a pulley system to transport necessary treats and toys. And whatever we were fighting about was forgotten.

14. How do you know when to end a friendship?

As soon as you get that sneaking suspicion that it never really began.

15. Why do we turn into our parents when we swore we wouldn't?

Because really, when all is said and done, we admire them.

16. Can a half-empty person become a half-full person?

A current theory is that people have an "emotional set point." Some folks are just made happier than others. Pessimists will see this as bad news, believing it really doesn't matter what you do -- they are never going to be any happier. But there is hope -- as any optimist will see! Happiness has more to do with how you construe the events in your life than the actual events themselves.

17. When do kids become adults?

Biologically, it's happening earlier; emotionally, it seems to be happening later. Nowadays puberty occurs in females between ages 8 and 14, between 9 and 15 in males. A generation ago, when you turned 18, you were out the door and on your own. Now we see kids in the Boomerang Generation coming home to Mom and Dad after college, hoping for a hand with bills, laundry, meals and other responsibilities of adulthood. It's cute for a while, less adorable the older the kid gets.

18. Can a mother be friends with her teenage daughter?

No. Most teens aren't ready for anything close to a mature friendship. According to current research, the brain continues to develop into a person's 20s. Mothers often want to befriend their daughters; fathers, their sons. But this is not in anyone's best interest. Teenagers need to form identities distinct from their parents. That means: lots of privacy, even some secrets. It's usually easier for a teenage girl to befriend the friend of her mother, and it's usually best for the mother to leave it at that.

19. Does money really buy happiness?

No. Because happiness isn't for sale. Many people get tripped up by this one, amassing wealth only to find themselves cycling into a bottomless pit of unsatisfiable yearning. Turns out, joy and misery are not that far apart when it comes to very big wads of cash. Consider the case of a Kentucky couple who won $34 million in 2000. Thrilled to be released from the demands of their boring old jobs, they frittered their fortune away on fancy cars, mansions, all the usual stuff -- losing everything that mattered in the process. They divorced, he died of an alcohol-related illness, and she died alone in her new house just five years after cashing the winning ticket. When it comes to happiness, only people you love, and who love you, can bring it. If you have enough dough to buy yourself a luxurious yacht, but no real friends to sail with, you're sunk.

20. Can spenders and savers stay married?

Sure -- and they won't run out of things to talk about either. Disagreements over money are a leading cause of divorce, so experts advise lots of work around this issue if, financially speaking, you've found yourself married to your opposite. Tip: Always talk in terms of "ours" instead of "mine" or "yours," and work your strengths. The saver should be allowed to draft the budget; the spender gets to be in charge of vacations, celebrations and ordering extra toppings on the pizza.

21. Is money the root of all evil?

No. Greed is. Elvis nailed this one when he said, "Sharing money is what gives it its value."

22. What do you do if you see a parent berating a child?

Cringe. Take a deep breath. If you truly believe you can help the situation, approach as someone showing sympathy -- not as an accuser or member of the parent police. Empathize with the overstressed parent. Suggest that he take a deep breath. Tell him it worked for you.

23. Why is it so hard to say you're wrong?

Because it often involves saying, "I'm sorry," which is even harder. Throughout history people have found it easier to stop speaking to one another, punch, slander, shoot and bomb rather than apologize. Tip: Next time just say, "Whoops," and see what happens.
PLUS: If God Had Texted the 10 Commandments...

24. When should you reveal a secret you said you wouldn't?

It's a matter of damage control. Is the person who asked you to keep the secret in danger of hurting himself or others? If so, intervene. Otherwise, mum's the word.

25. Does the toast really always fall buttered-side down?

Scientists in the Ask Laskas Kitchen conducted a study for which they first toasted an entire loaf of bread, one slice at a time. They buttered each slice, and dropped it from a variety of heights ranging from tabletop to ceiling. Among their findings: A dropped piece of toast never lands on its edge; stomping your foot and yelling "Darn!" does not change a thing; and the floor in the Ask Laskas Kitchen is not nearly as clean as we'd like. Well, life's like that. Never as neat as you'd like it to be. But keep buttering your toast. And savor every slice you've been given.

Written by: Jeanne Marie Laskas
Yahoo News :

How To Get A Good Night's Sleep

1. Invest in the basics. A supportive mattress and pillows are key for comfort and long-term health.

Note: If you sleep on your side, choose a firm pillow; if you sleep on your back, opt for a medium one; stomach sleepers, go for super-soft.

2. Time Matters. Set your internal clock by going to sleep and waking up at about the same time every day (including weekends).

3. Plan ahead. Set yourself up with everything you need before going to bed: extra blankets, a glass of water, an eye mask.

4. Avoid napping. Although it's hard to resist, a quick catnap on the couch may throw your sleep pattern out of whack. If you feel tired, try going to bed early instead of napping.

5. Tidy up. A clean room creates a sense of calm and comfort. Get in the routine of making the bed when you wake up – it feels so much better to get into a neat bed at night.

6. Move it. Set aside at least 30 minutes a day to get your heart rate up. It helps increase the time you spend in a deep-sleep stage, and cuts the time it takes to drift off to dreamland.
Note: Vigorous exercise before bedtime may have the reverse effect so avoid exercising three hours before bed.

7. Breathe deeply. Once in bed, take 10 full, slow breaths to help get oxygen into your bloodstream and calm your heart rate.

8. Sit and soak. Before bed, take a bubble bath to soothe muscles and wash away the day (or try Epsom salts). Light some scented candles for a relaxing, spa atmosphere. If you don't have a bathtub, take a long, hot shower – it can feel just as therapeutic.

9. Dab it on. Put a small amount of lavender essential oil (suitable for putting on skin) on pulse points such as temples and wrists to calm your nerves.

10. Slow down. Spend the hour before you plan on going to bed doing relaxing activities like reading or listening to music in a dimly lit room. Avoid television since it can over-stimulate your senses and keep you awake.