Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Frustrated, Stressed, Exhausted, Sad....

Need I say more?

Well today ended up being a R&R day, but my mind couldn't take a rest kept thinking of all the crap that needs to be done before the lady comes to give us pointers on what to do before/when we put the house up for sale etc, honestly I love this house great backyard & everything can't I just take it with me? But we are leaving the area totally need better schools, But seriously I just need to get back on track with my workouts, doc says my blood pressure is a few points from being considered "high blood pressure" and he really doesn't want to put me on meds for it when I can lower it myself.... part of it is from the meds I'm taking my weight loss ones he has given me which to be honest I don't want to give up just yet seriously... they are helping me from "over eating" something I do when I stress out which I been doing A LOT of & it doesn't help me reach my weight loss goals, my goal & focus is losing weight but so much is preventing me from dedicating 100% like I had been months prior I was working out 1-3hrs a day 4-6 days a week prepping foods etc right now everything & everyone is/has been so frustrating and annoying to me with poking at this and that I just wanna scream, "Leave me & the house the fuck alone" Not so much hubby really just everyone else.... I just hope we can find a buyer quickly & move get it over with so I can get back on track, I want to be where I need/want to be next month so we can start a family I don't think there gonna want me to start a family with high blood pressure ...I know it will come down once I get on track with exercise but question is WHEN!? I am so tired of the stress.... I know if I stop taking the weight loss meds it will help too... but I still need them right now.... I only have 33lbs left I lost 72lbs dang it & only 32 of those lbs where with the meds since January !! ~ Please god give me the strength to bust ass though these last 33lbs & help us get things on track find a home fine someone to buy this house etc just want this stress to be gone so I can get on track with continuing to be healthy =(

In other notes/news etc......

February was very nice.. 5 years for hubby & I .... April was a very nice month Hubby's birthday Grandpa's birthday and many other friends had a nice surprise party for hubby tho had a ton of people we enjoy hanging out with around for the party, hubby was surprised tho I think he knew all along since he didn't mention D20 gaming that weekend but Vince stole him off for the night before so us gals can finish cooking/prepping tons of fun!!

Tho then May came was VERY stressful too since it was mother's day & my grandma's birthday she passed away last summer so it was a stressful emotional month her and grandpa will always be mom and dad to me they raised me for many years & I love/miss em so much... plus a year mark of when our friend who was/is like a brother Will passed away.... so its been a ride to say the most on this roller coaster and doesn't help I hold in my feelings and tears til I explode on someone instead of letting it out... so yeah I am bad for that... and father's day is this coming weekend and grandpa is no longer here either... I also wish sometimes even tho I hate winter cause its so cold... it was fall/winter again so these sad months can be forgotten tho they have good memories in the past they just hurt right now will this pain go away eventually? =(

But I am looking to the future with hubby & future kids getting back on track with weight loss etc just the stress needs to go away, it will I know it will just can't wait til it does, tho there will always be stress but right now its HUGE stress....

Well gonna go try and sleep, tho hubby is snoring im gonna have to smack him to stop, first brush my teeth & get a drink..... then try & sleep after I bump the kitties off the bed, there all sleeping on my side, go figure =P

No comments: