Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Thoughts, Feelings & Updates...

Wow, been awhile since I updated, guess I should do this more often. But kind of hard when life is so busy. Hubby started a new job back in May more pay + 100% medical for him and I and whatever kids we have when the time comes, which is great!

March 2009 I got diagnosed with high insulin, not high enough to be diabetic but high enough that my body was having a period 24/7 & telling me to get things on track with diet and exercise. I started out at 51 inch waist & 250lbs, yeah ouch, I didn't realize. I quit smoking over 9 years ago, I still couldn't believe I was so big, having a ex-boyfriend who was over weight before I met hubby didn't help I know that much and the fact cause he ate out pretty much all the time. When hubby and I met back in late winter 2005 I didn't think I was that big cause I was starting to exercise after my ex went to work, I weighed about 205lbs or so. So I thought anyways, I know I gained weight since cause I got comfortable, to comfortable that happens with everyone. Well here I am almost 6 months after being diagnosed and 42lbs lighter and 14 inches gone. Only thing is til things get under control and I lose (to my goal) 58 more lbs then hopefully I can get the OK to start trying for a family, which I want the OK come my birthday or Christmas only thing I want this year really.

Which brings me to my next bit of updates, August 2009 Grandma broke her hip they put the pins in and gave her meds to help the pain. I thought things where going to be OK. Turns out she wouldn't eat, tossed her hearing aid to the floor, same with her glasses and said, " I just want to be with Grandpa." As soon as I heard this from my Aunt it broke my heart into a million pieces. I love my Grandmother she is more like a mother as my Grandfather is more like a father to me. They are everything to me. Days went by where I was paying the bills hoping to squeeze money from somewhere. Ever since hubby started his new job money had been a little tight not a bunch just to the point we where not getting much back into savings cause our savings we did have went to his new gear, which was fine. Bills where getting paid so that was fine. But deep down I knew Grandma would understand why I wasn't there. My father in law offered to pay part of a bus ticket but I just couldn't he was/is going though some stuff of his own. Few more days passed then our phone started to get weird lines crossing, static, annoying. Some reason I knew in my heart something was about to happen, sure enough my Uncle Gary called to say Grandma had passed away. I could barley hear him because of the static but I knew what he had said. My heart broke, shattered into a million pieces, I am slowly still picking up the pieces to this day. It's been very hard. But I know she is where she wanted to be, with Grandpa.

Other then that things are still on the go with renovation work, doing pretty good, father in law and I got the outside trim painted, hubby and I got the basement half way cleaned up, got some stuff tossed out to big item pickup, living room finished, spare room finished, master bedroom is close just need some paint on the ceiling, new ceiling fan, new closet doors and we can move our stuff back in there. Kitchen and driveway and basement are the last of things with a bit of odds and ends, we should be ready to go come spring and put the house up so we can buy a bigger one, this one is to small for a family.

Other then that I started beta testing/playing a new online game, "Aion" It's a fantasy MMO. I tried getting back into City of Heroes but I just can't after 5.5 years I have gotten very burned out, new updates look cool but I am ready for a change.

I am very tired these past few weeks, I think I am coming down with a cold or something, but at the same time I feel very unattractive and just want to be left alone. It might have to do with the weight loss I don't know. I just can't wait for Aion to start so I can get some of this stress off my shoulders and kill things in a online game to release stress and anger. Doesn't help when people poke at me to do things I already know and have on my list of things to do, reason I snap sometimes, very frustrating. I just can't wait til we move and this headache is over with all this renovation crap. I just want to say ENOUGH!

No comments: