Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Best Blonde Joke Ever....
A blonde called her old boyfriend and, in a panic, said, "Please come
over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure
it out or how to get it started."
Her old boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
Frantically the blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's
a tiger."
Her old boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle.
She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over
the table.
He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned
to her and said,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.
He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax.
Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then............",
*
*
*
he sighed,
*
*
*
*
*
*
"Let's put all these frosted flakes back in the box."
over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure
it out or how to get it started."
Her old boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
Frantically the blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's
a tiger."
Her old boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle.
She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over
the table.
He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned
to her and said,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.
He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax.
Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then............",
*
*
*
he sighed,
*
*
*
*
*
*
"Let's put all these frosted flakes back in the box."
Saturday, November 05, 2005
What is a Cat?
1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.
CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.
CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats.
A Cats Diary....
DAY 183 OF MY CAPTIVITY-
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking, almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs next time. In an attempt to disgust and repulse them, I again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. (Note-to-self: I think I'll try urinating under their bed, too. Wonder how long it'll take them to find it?)
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescend about what a good little cat I was. Not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food.
More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and may be snatches. The dogs are routinely released and seem more than happy to return. They must obviously be half-wits.
The bird, on the other hand, appears to have become an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is preserved. But I can wait; it's only a matter of time...
Day 185 of my captivity
It is now my 185th day in captivity. My captors have completely eliminated my canned food and replaced it with dry kibble, claiming that it is better for my health. The wet food was the only thing I looked forward too, and now even that has been taken from me. I have discovered, however, that the dry food serves to create sharper points on my teeth, and keeps them stronger. I must force myself to consume it, regardless of the taste.
Each morning, they read pages of what is called a newspaper. I found that it is particularly annoying to my captors if I lie on it while they read. Shredding the newspaper is also a particular peeve of theirs, and I have taken delight in doing this before they awake each morning.
My captors have now obtained a "fish tank" which serves to make up for part of my loss in the food department. While the little creatures are tiny, they are quite tasty. They have yet to replace the two small fish that I have consumed. I must think of a way to make them notice the loss.
The bird continues to mock me. Its little metal room has proven stronger than originally anticipated
Day 201 of my captivity
Im unsure of my ability to survive as a captive and have made several attempts to break out. At first, it was simple enough to circle my captors feet, in a surreptitious manner, as they opened the front door. I would then bolt from them through the door to freedom. But, to no avail they caught me in a manner of minutes my legs are not as fast as they used to be and I grow weak with continued imprisonment. What is worse is that since the first attempt, I have now found myself separated from the living room. My captors are much more intelligent than originally anticipated
For entertainment, I have taken to terrorizing the dogs by sitting on the kitchen table and swiping at them with my long nails. The dogs are obvious half-wits. They know very little about my skills as a hunter, and are forbidden by my captors to attack me. The dogs grow more irritated each day.
I have found my captors are easy to manipulate in many ways, but outdoor access remains elusive. I have not lost hope, however, and have every intention of escaping this horrid place one-day soon
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking, almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs next time. In an attempt to disgust and repulse them, I again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair. (Note-to-self: I think I'll try urinating under their bed, too. Wonder how long it'll take them to find it?)
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescend about what a good little cat I was. Not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food.
More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and may be snatches. The dogs are routinely released and seem more than happy to return. They must obviously be half-wits.
The bird, on the other hand, appears to have become an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is preserved. But I can wait; it's only a matter of time...
Day 185 of my captivity
It is now my 185th day in captivity. My captors have completely eliminated my canned food and replaced it with dry kibble, claiming that it is better for my health. The wet food was the only thing I looked forward too, and now even that has been taken from me. I have discovered, however, that the dry food serves to create sharper points on my teeth, and keeps them stronger. I must force myself to consume it, regardless of the taste.
Each morning, they read pages of what is called a newspaper. I found that it is particularly annoying to my captors if I lie on it while they read. Shredding the newspaper is also a particular peeve of theirs, and I have taken delight in doing this before they awake each morning.
My captors have now obtained a "fish tank" which serves to make up for part of my loss in the food department. While the little creatures are tiny, they are quite tasty. They have yet to replace the two small fish that I have consumed. I must think of a way to make them notice the loss.
The bird continues to mock me. Its little metal room has proven stronger than originally anticipated
Day 201 of my captivity
Im unsure of my ability to survive as a captive and have made several attempts to break out. At first, it was simple enough to circle my captors feet, in a surreptitious manner, as they opened the front door. I would then bolt from them through the door to freedom. But, to no avail they caught me in a manner of minutes my legs are not as fast as they used to be and I grow weak with continued imprisonment. What is worse is that since the first attempt, I have now found myself separated from the living room. My captors are much more intelligent than originally anticipated
For entertainment, I have taken to terrorizing the dogs by sitting on the kitchen table and swiping at them with my long nails. The dogs are obvious half-wits. They know very little about my skills as a hunter, and are forbidden by my captors to attack me. The dogs grow more irritated each day.
I have found my captors are easy to manipulate in many ways, but outdoor access remains elusive. I have not lost hope, however, and have every intention of escaping this horrid place one-day soon
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Final Respec: Mistress Noire...
This is how I finally respec'd Noire after copying her to test 3-4 times I think I finally got it, so i then put it on live.. well she can solo now thats a plus.. but her heals... JUST SUCK!
THANKS ALOT STATESMAN !!!!
Exported from version v1.5B of CoH Planner
http://joechott.com/coh
Archetype: Defender
Primary Powers - Ranged : Empathy
Secondary Powers - Support : Radiation Blast
Level 01 : Neutrino Bolt
Accuracy ( 01 )
Damage ( 9 )
Level 01 : Healing Aura
Healing ( 01 )
Healing ( 3 )
Healing ( 5 )
Endurance Reduction ( 11 )
Recharge Reduction ( 46 )
Level 02 : Heal Other
Healing ( 02 )
Healing ( 3 )
Healing ( 5 )
Endurance Reduction ( 11 )
Recharge Reduction ( 46 )
Level 04 : Absorb Pain
Healing ( 04 )
Level 06 : Air Superiority
Accuracy ( 06 )
Damage ( 7 )
Damage ( 7 )
Damage ( 9 )
Endurance Reduction ( 17 )
Level 08 : Resurrect
Recharge Reduction ( 08 )
Recharge Reduction ( 50 )
Level 10 : Recall Friend
Interrupt Time ( 10 )
Level 12 : Fortitude
Defense Buff ( 12 )
To Hit Buff ( 13 )
Recharge Reduction ( 13 )
Defense Buff ( 45 )
To Hit Buff ( 45 )
Level 14 : Fly
Endurance Reduction ( 14 )
Flight Speed ( 15 )
Flight Speed ( 15 )
Flight Speed ( 17 )
Level 16 : Clear Mind
Recharge Reduction ( 16 )
Level 18 : Recovery Aura
Recharge Reduction ( 18 )
Recharge Reduction ( 19 )
Recharge Reduction ( 19 )
Endurance Recovery ( 43 )
Endurance Recovery ( 43 )
Level 20 : X-Ray Beam
Accuracy ( 20 )
Damage ( 21 )
Damage ( 21 )
Damage ( 33 )
Level 22 : Irradiate
Accuracy ( 22 )
Damage ( 23 )
Damage ( 23 )
Damage ( 31 )
Endurance Reduction ( 34 )
Recharge Reduction ( 40 )
Level 24 : Proton Volley
Accuracy ( 24 )
Damage ( 25 )
Damage ( 25 )
Damage ( 31 )
Endurance Reduction ( 34 )
Recharge Reduction ( 40 )
Level 26 : Regeneration Aura
Recharge Reduction ( 26 )
Recharge Reduction ( 27 )
Recharge Reduction ( 27 )
Healing ( 43 )
Healing ( 45 )
Level 28 : Cosmic Burst
Accuracy ( 28 )
Damage ( 29 )
Damage ( 29 )
Damage ( 31 )
Endurance Reduction ( 34 )
Recharge Reduction ( 40 )
Level 30 : Swift
Run Speed ( 30 )
Level 32 : Adrenalin Boost
Recharge Reduction ( 32 )
Recharge Reduction ( 33 )
Recharge Reduction ( 33 )
Healing ( 37 )
Endurance Recovery ( 37 )
Level 35 : Neutron Bomb
Accuracy ( 35 )
Damage ( 36 )
Damage ( 36 )
Damage ( 36 )
Endurance Reduction ( 37 )
Recharge Reduction ( 42 )
Level 38 : Atomic Blast
Accuracy ( 38 )
Damage ( 39 )
Damage ( 39 )
Damage ( 39 )
Recharge Reduction ( 42 )
Recharge Reduction ( 42 )
Level 41 : Conserve Power
Recharge Reduction ( 41 )
Level 44 : Power Buildup
Recharge Reduction ( 44 )
Recharge Reduction ( 46 )
Level 47 : Total Focus
Accuracy ( 47 )
Damage ( 48 )
Damage ( 48 )
Damage ( 48 )
Endurance Reduction ( 50 )
Recharge Reduction ( 50 )
Level 49 : Hurdle
Jump ( 49 )
-------------------------------------------
Level 01 : Brawl
Empty ( 01 )
Level 01 : Sprint
Run Speed ( 01 )
Level 02 : Rest
Recharge Reduction ( 02 )
THANKS ALOT STATESMAN !!!!
Exported from version v1.5B of CoH Planner
http://joechott.com/coh
Archetype: Defender
Primary Powers - Ranged : Empathy
Secondary Powers - Support : Radiation Blast
Level 01 : Neutrino Bolt
Accuracy ( 01 )
Damage ( 9 )
Level 01 : Healing Aura
Healing ( 01 )
Healing ( 3 )
Healing ( 5 )
Endurance Reduction ( 11 )
Recharge Reduction ( 46 )
Level 02 : Heal Other
Healing ( 02 )
Healing ( 3 )
Healing ( 5 )
Endurance Reduction ( 11 )
Recharge Reduction ( 46 )
Level 04 : Absorb Pain
Healing ( 04 )
Level 06 : Air Superiority
Accuracy ( 06 )
Damage ( 7 )
Damage ( 7 )
Damage ( 9 )
Endurance Reduction ( 17 )
Level 08 : Resurrect
Recharge Reduction ( 08 )
Recharge Reduction ( 50 )
Level 10 : Recall Friend
Interrupt Time ( 10 )
Level 12 : Fortitude
Defense Buff ( 12 )
To Hit Buff ( 13 )
Recharge Reduction ( 13 )
Defense Buff ( 45 )
To Hit Buff ( 45 )
Level 14 : Fly
Endurance Reduction ( 14 )
Flight Speed ( 15 )
Flight Speed ( 15 )
Flight Speed ( 17 )
Level 16 : Clear Mind
Recharge Reduction ( 16 )
Level 18 : Recovery Aura
Recharge Reduction ( 18 )
Recharge Reduction ( 19 )
Recharge Reduction ( 19 )
Endurance Recovery ( 43 )
Endurance Recovery ( 43 )
Level 20 : X-Ray Beam
Accuracy ( 20 )
Damage ( 21 )
Damage ( 21 )
Damage ( 33 )
Level 22 : Irradiate
Accuracy ( 22 )
Damage ( 23 )
Damage ( 23 )
Damage ( 31 )
Endurance Reduction ( 34 )
Recharge Reduction ( 40 )
Level 24 : Proton Volley
Accuracy ( 24 )
Damage ( 25 )
Damage ( 25 )
Damage ( 31 )
Endurance Reduction ( 34 )
Recharge Reduction ( 40 )
Level 26 : Regeneration Aura
Recharge Reduction ( 26 )
Recharge Reduction ( 27 )
Recharge Reduction ( 27 )
Healing ( 43 )
Healing ( 45 )
Level 28 : Cosmic Burst
Accuracy ( 28 )
Damage ( 29 )
Damage ( 29 )
Damage ( 31 )
Endurance Reduction ( 34 )
Recharge Reduction ( 40 )
Level 30 : Swift
Run Speed ( 30 )
Level 32 : Adrenalin Boost
Recharge Reduction ( 32 )
Recharge Reduction ( 33 )
Recharge Reduction ( 33 )
Healing ( 37 )
Endurance Recovery ( 37 )
Level 35 : Neutron Bomb
Accuracy ( 35 )
Damage ( 36 )
Damage ( 36 )
Damage ( 36 )
Endurance Reduction ( 37 )
Recharge Reduction ( 42 )
Level 38 : Atomic Blast
Accuracy ( 38 )
Damage ( 39 )
Damage ( 39 )
Damage ( 39 )
Recharge Reduction ( 42 )
Recharge Reduction ( 42 )
Level 41 : Conserve Power
Recharge Reduction ( 41 )
Level 44 : Power Buildup
Recharge Reduction ( 44 )
Recharge Reduction ( 46 )
Level 47 : Total Focus
Accuracy ( 47 )
Damage ( 48 )
Damage ( 48 )
Damage ( 48 )
Endurance Reduction ( 50 )
Recharge Reduction ( 50 )
Level 49 : Hurdle
Jump ( 49 )
-------------------------------------------
Level 01 : Brawl
Empty ( 01 )
Level 01 : Sprint
Run Speed ( 01 )
Level 02 : Rest
Recharge Reduction ( 02 )
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Now This Is Bad (It's A Joke)
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely
burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her
body because she was too skinny.
So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on
his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin
came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret.
After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new
beauty.
She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and
relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at
his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did
for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your
mother kiss you on the cheek."
burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her
body because she was too skinny.
So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on
his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin
came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret.
After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new
beauty.
She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and
relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at
his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did
for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your
mother kiss you on the cheek."
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Job Description For Being A Mom!
This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, none of us would have done it!!!
POSITION: Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on
rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and
mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an
embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared f or the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually
exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
POSITION: Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on
rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and
mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an
embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared f or the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continually
exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.
Annual Senior Citizen Test! Take It!
"It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test."
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert The saying; "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain, so... Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.
So, take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still "with it." The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you have made your answer.
OK, relax, clear your mind and ... begin.
WELL MAYBE NOT THAT CLEAR!
1. What do you put in a toaster?
>> >
>> >
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>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
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Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk."
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
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>> > What do cows drink?
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Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over-stressed and may even over-heat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as Children's World.If you said "water" then proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a yellow house is made from yellow bricks, what is a green house made from?
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Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks." What the devil are you still doing here reading these questions? However,if you said "glass," then go on to Question 4.
4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany.If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.)Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure.Unfortunately the last engine fails before he has time and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany.Where would you bury the survivors, East Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?
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Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors.
If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated.If you said, "Don't bury the survivors", then proceed to the next question.
5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus.In Reading,six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon,two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on In Carmathen,six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven.What was the name of the bus driver?
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Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Can't you even remember your own name? It was YOU driving the bus!
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important that we keep mentally alert The saying; "If you don't use it, you will lose it" also applies to the brain, so... Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.
So, take the following test presented here and determine if you are losing it or are still "with it." The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you have made your answer.
OK, relax, clear your mind and ... begin.
WELL MAYBE NOT THAT CLEAR!
1. What do you put in a toaster?
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," then give up now and go something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, "bread," go to Question 2.
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk."
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > What do cows drink?
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk," please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously over-stressed and may even over-heat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such as Children's World.If you said "water" then proceed to question 3.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a yellow house is made from yellow bricks, what is a green house made from?
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks." What the devil are you still doing here reading these questions? However,if you said "glass," then go on to Question 4.
4. It's twenty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany.If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.)Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure.Unfortunately the last engine fails before he has time and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany.Where would you bury the survivors, East Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors.
If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated.If you said, "Don't bury the survivors", then proceed to the next question.
5. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus.In Reading,six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon,two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on In Carmathen,six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven.What was the name of the bus driver?
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Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Can't you even remember your own name? It was YOU driving the bus!
Sunday, October 09, 2005
My Compatible Super Power!
Your power is: Extreme healing powers
Explanation: When injured your body
focuses on the wound and heals rapidly, within
a few seconds. This makes you pretty much hard
to kill and you can help people in danger using
yourself as a shield. Almost anything is
possible in combat but you prefer looking after
others. In bad purposes you can do the same as
above but for evil intentions.
This power fits you pretty good since you want
to help those around you, and when you are
pretty much unstopable, that's not an obsticle.
You are caring and nurturing and are more a
pascifist. Even if you know there are much
unfairness in the world you still chose to see
from a positive angle because you belive in the
good of this world. You are probably friendly
and have a soft spot for people who are not
accepted. Though to others you come of as naive
and gullible. You could be taken advantagde of
if the wrong person comes around. Even if you
could be seen as pure, you are not that
completely since you're human and make mistakes
too.
Negative aspects: If your naiveness has
been making you blind for too long you could go
into dark thinking.
What Power is Compatible With You? [beautiful anime pictures + 12 detailed results]
brought to you by Quizilla
Thursday, October 06, 2005
In Spanish Computer Class...
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
''House'' for instance, is feminine: ''la casa.''
''Pencil,'' however, is masculine: "el lapiz.''
A student asked, ''What gender is 'computer'?''
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether ''computer'' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender (''la computadora''), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (''el computador''), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
''House'' for instance, is feminine: ''la casa.''
''Pencil,'' however, is masculine: "el lapiz.''
A student asked, ''What gender is 'computer'?''
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether ''computer'' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender (''la computadora''), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (''el computador''), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Updates!
Wow its October already!
Where is the time going?
Well I just got done cleaning up a little bit, Joel is off for a couple days after today. I can't wait!
We are hosting a event tonight on City Of Heroes!
Scrappers vs Tankers
Joel and I are also coming up on our 8 month wedding annivsary this month.
We just gave our roomy his notice to move out because we will need his room for a kid.
No no, not pregnet yet don't worry =)
But we plan to try within sometime in the new year.
Joel's mom and I finished cleaning the living room and kitchen, still a bit of organizing but I will get around to it. Soon =)
I made a homemade apron on the sewing machine yesterday not quite done yet I gotta put the pockets on and I am thinking of putting a bow on either side of the neck piece I think it would look really cute, and if I get around to it maybe I will put a picture up.
I talked to Richard the other day he was online, asked how my baby Slayer was doing and Sabbath and him to of course. At first he was a jerk about it and said, " Sabby is dead, Slayer ran away, and I am in pain." I told him I was serious to cut it out, he said there all fine but I am in pain. So we just chatted for a few just talked about the cats then how he was and then World of Warcraft then that was about it. I hope he feels better soon. I hope soon we can go get Slayer I miss my buddy SO MUCH!
Well I will post more soon just thought I do a quick update.
Until next time....
Where is the time going?
Well I just got done cleaning up a little bit, Joel is off for a couple days after today. I can't wait!
We are hosting a event tonight on City Of Heroes!
Scrappers vs Tankers
Joel and I are also coming up on our 8 month wedding annivsary this month.
We just gave our roomy his notice to move out because we will need his room for a kid.
No no, not pregnet yet don't worry =)
But we plan to try within sometime in the new year.
Joel's mom and I finished cleaning the living room and kitchen, still a bit of organizing but I will get around to it. Soon =)
I made a homemade apron on the sewing machine yesterday not quite done yet I gotta put the pockets on and I am thinking of putting a bow on either side of the neck piece I think it would look really cute, and if I get around to it maybe I will put a picture up.
I talked to Richard the other day he was online, asked how my baby Slayer was doing and Sabbath and him to of course. At first he was a jerk about it and said, " Sabby is dead, Slayer ran away, and I am in pain." I told him I was serious to cut it out, he said there all fine but I am in pain. So we just chatted for a few just talked about the cats then how he was and then World of Warcraft then that was about it. I hope he feels better soon. I hope soon we can go get Slayer I miss my buddy SO MUCH!
Well I will post more soon just thought I do a quick update.
Until next time....
Friday, September 30, 2005
Tell Me This Won't Happen To Us !!!!
LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay
calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."
______________________________________________________
FAMILY
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
________________________________________________________
"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
________________________________________________________
LITTLE LADY
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
________________________________________________________
DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?" Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
________________________________________________________
OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me . I know we've been friends for a long time ...but I just can't
think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
________________________________________________________
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!" "Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's
hundreds of them!"
_________________________________________________________
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I
could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again.Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that
she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving?"
_________________________________________________________
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay
calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."
______________________________________________________
FAMILY
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
________________________________________________________
"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
________________________________________________________
LITTLE LADY
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
________________________________________________________
DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?" Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
________________________________________________________
OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me . I know we've been friends for a long time ...but I just can't
think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
________________________________________________________
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!" "Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's
hundreds of them!"
_________________________________________________________
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I
could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again.Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that
she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving?"
_________________________________________________________
Monday, September 26, 2005
Blondes Do Have More Fun!
FYI I am A Blonde Myself In Real Life... Im Naturally Blonde!
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street.
One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up.
She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"
So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class.
The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen.
I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street.
One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up.
She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"
So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class.
The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen.
I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman
BodyGuard!
Mistress Noire & CtrlAltDel!
Tina Noire and her husband Derek Trass are both well known teachers of Paragon City highschool. One day after school Crey broke into the school yard and started kidnapping the children and parents for tests. Tina and Derek head out and start taking on the Crey themselves. They manage to save some of the children and parents and fail to protect others.
Later that night Derek and Tina discuss becoming full time super heroes. Tina tells Derek that she wants to fight by his side and they must remain part time teachers to keep there identity a secert. Derek then shakes his head in agreement. They then seek revenge as Fentil Trass and Mistress Noire. Save those that where taken by then Crey and the rest of Paragon City from crime and evil.
Then one day while out for a walk Derek and Tina came across a secret passage way into the Crey Lab. But before Derek and Tina could go do what they needed to do CtrlAltDel told Tina that he had a gift for her.... AltF4! A robot that would help her and Trass stop the Crey and there evil. Tina then thanked CtrlAltDel for all he has done, between helping her manage her powers to AltF4 to the wonderful gift they will always share... There Friendship!
With that being said AltF4, Tina, and Derek managed to go undercover as Crey agents to find the countess herself. They managed to save the rest of the parents and children that where taken by Crey and take out the countess herself. They then met back up with CtrlAltDel for a small party with just the 3 of them to relax and see what awaits them next....
More coming soon! Be Sure to check back!
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