Monday, October 06, 2008

Harmless Pleasure?/Coke Kills Sperm?

A article I found on today
I have to agree, why do guys look at porn when they are taken? Are us girls not good enough for them?! WTF!

I often get letters from men whose female partners take issue with their use of pornography or from women who don't like the fact that their guy consumes porn while in a relationship. Usually, their objection is something along the lines of: 'Why does he need that if he has me? Am I not enough?' Or they feel their partner must have an unhealthy attitude towards women if they buy into this stuff because it's unrealistic and degrading to women.
I agree that most of it is unrealistic. But one could argue that that is part of its charm. It's all about fantasy. As for being degrading to women, well, that's up for argument. Like any industry, there are undoubtedly bad labour practices. And, in an industry so morally reviled by our culture, forcing it to remain mostly under the radar, chances are, injustices are a little higher. But, I've met many women who are perfectly happy working in the biz.

Still, I can understand why so many women still struggle with why a guy in a perfectly happy, sexually satisfying relationship would still consume porn. Women have a lot more hurdles to get over when it comes to accepting pornography into their lives. Many adult women have grown up thinking porn is degrading to women and just an indulgence of unrealistic male fantasies that have nothing to do with us. I mean jeez, women rarely even genuinely reach orgasm in porn. It's hard to get excited about something that doesn't even address your needs. And of course, it's hard not to feel the odd twinge of jealousy when he's getting off on some blonde, legs up to here, big-breasted woman on screen. I mean, guys might be annoyed too if the tables were turned and women all over the world were watching videos of hunky men catering to our pleasure.

But personally, unless it's interfering with your relationships or your life (see my blog on sex addiction), I think viewing porn is mostly harmless. Most guys (and some of us gals) enjoy it as harmless, effective, visual stimulation, not because we aren't attracted to our partners.

If you're someone who struggles with your partner's casual use of pornography, there are a couple of good books out there that might help you work out some of the conflicting feelings you have about porn. Lisa Palac chronicles her evolution from Midwestern Catholic schoolgirl to anti-porn crusader to sex positive feminist and cutting-edge pornographer in her book, 'The Edge of My Bed: How Dirty Pictures Changed My Life'. Also Good Vibrations, a sex-positive, female-friendly sex shop in San Francisco publishes the 'Good Vibrations Guide to Adult Videos and The Ultimate Guide to Adult Videos'[Down There Press.] and 'The Smart Girl's Guide to Porn' by Violet Blue (

These books get into the history of porn and talk about the emotional and physical reactions one might have to porn. They also list videos that depict more realistic looking women and genuine female pleasure. And if you don't want to look at other people having sex, you might be more comfortable looking at yourselves in some homemade porn. British adult filmmaker Anna Span tells you how in another book from Good Vibrations entitled 'Erotic Home Videos: Create Your Own Adult Films'.

Do you have a problem with pornography or with your partner consuming it within your relationship?

On another note, I also read


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